| Currently playing |
PlayStation:
World's Scariest Police Chases PlayStation Portable: Ys I & II Chronicles; Dead Head Fred Xbox: Phantom Crash Xbox 360: Earth Defense Force 2025 |
| 300: March to Glory
(PlayStation Portable) Developer: Collision Studios Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment Released: 2007 Genre: Hack and slash |
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| 2025/06/12 |
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| Heart of the Alien:
Out of this World Parts I and II (Mega CD) Developer: Interplay Productions Publisher: Virgin Interactive Entertainment Released: 1994 Genre: Platform |
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| 2025/06/09 |
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| The Punisher
(Xbox) Developer: Volition Publisher: THQ Released: 2005 Genre: Action-adventure, third-person shooter |
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| 2025/06/01 |
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| Rising Zan: The
Samurai Gunman (PlayStation) Developer: UEP Systems Publisher: Agetec Released: 1999 Genre: Action-adventure |
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| 2025/05/29 |
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| Robert Ludlum's The
Bourne Conspiracy (PlayStation
3) Developer: High Moon Studios Publisher: Vivendi Games Released: 2008 Genre: Action, third-person shooter, stealth |
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| 2025/05/29 |
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| Haze (PlayStation 3) Developer: Free Radical Design Publisher: Ubisoft Released: 2008 Genre: First-person shooter |
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| 2025/05/21 |
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| Mercenaries:
Playground of Destruction (Xbox) Developer: Pandemic Studios Publisher: LucasArts Released: 2005 Genre: Action-adventure |
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| 2025/05/20 |
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| T'ai Fu: Wrath of
the Tiger (PlayStation) Developer: DreamWorks Interactive Publisher: Activision Released: 1999 Genre: Action, platformer |
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| 2025/05/17 |
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| Dark Sector
(PlayStation 3) Developer: Digital Extremes Publisher: D3 Publisher Released: 2008 Genre: Third-person shooter |
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| 2025/05/12 |
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| Syphon Filter 3
(PlayStation) Developer: Sony Bend Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment Released: 2001 Genre: Third-person shooter |
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| 2025/05/05 |
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| Lost: The Video
Game (PlayStation 3) Developer: Ubisoft Montreal Publisher: Ubisoft Released: 2008 Genre: Action-adventure |
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| 2025/04/28 |
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| Lethal Skies II
(PlayStation 2) Developer: Bit Town Inc. Publisher: Sammy Studios Released: 2003 Genre: Combat flight simulator |
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| 2025/04/23 |
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| Turning Point: Fall
of Liberty (PlayStation
3) Developer: Spark Unlimited Publisher: Codemasters Released: 2008 Genre: First-person shooter |
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| This is one of the first games I've talked
about here after I played Freedom Fighters, how
much I loved the concept and how excited I was until I saw
the reviews lol. There is no way I would have ever wasted
a disc on this but with the PlayStation
3 I can finally see how bad it is lol I'm
curious. The premise is Churchill died in the 30s when he
was hit by a taxi in New York and the nazis won WW2
without his leadership (I doubt that would have happened
lol they barely did anything in the war), so now they
invade New York as you are a construction worker on an
under construction skyscraper when it happens and now
you're trying to get down. I guess it's similar to The Man
in the High Castle, I have that book but still haven't
read it lol, I watched the series though but it completely
fell apart after the first season, the end was especially
retarded with the black communists defeating Japan wtf was
that lmao. This is a standard FPS game but it switches to
third person when you're on a ladder, climbing up or
sliding on some rails, so it has some platforming too but
it sucks and it's very basic. It also switches to third
person when you use one of the grapple moves, it's
basically melee combat choosing with a D-pad button what
to do and it's instant kill or you can use the environment
but those seem to be scripted, you can also use them as
human shield. It uses the Unreal Engine but the graphics
don't look good at all lmao and the framerate is awful.
Aiming sucks, there is 3 sensitivity but high is way too
high and medium is too slow eh. There is no vibration eh
and you barely get any visual feedback, no shaking screen
or anything it just gets grey, it was hard to tell when
you're about to die. You fight your way through New York
(with the Chrysler Building collapsed on the street, that
looked cool) and join the army cause they need soldiers.
The bomb planting minigame was actually really
interesting, the wires are associated with the colors of
the controller's buttons and you need to connect and
tighten it with the analog stick then flip a switch up.
The chekpoints are rare eh it's so stupid I had to replay
so much when I died, and you gotta press start to see the
objectives because it doesn't get updated on the gameplay
screen. The sniper had an insane scope on it lmao but
aiming down sights was buggy as hell with all weapons,
sometimes it got stuck and I couldn't do anything wtf.
There are no collectibles but you get stats at the end of
levels but it's so useless. After New York you go to
Washington to rescue some general and assassinate the
puppet president, then to London cause that's where the
nazis are developing a nuke they want to test on New York,
then finally on board on a big zeppelin where you find the
nuke and blow it up before reaches New York and you just
fucking die lmao (lol at the end credits saying shut the
game off there's nothing left to see). You unlock concept
art videos that are long as shit and it has the same phone
bonus code thing as Clive Barker's Jericho (it has
multiplayer too but who cares). Yeah it's bad lol but at
least it's better than those awful ones I played recently,
I was right not to waste my time with it before and it was
short as fuck too just 4 days long, but it's not
offensively horrible or broken so at least I know what it
was like. |
2025/04/18 |
| Splashdown: Rides
Gone Wild (PlayStation 2) Developer: Rainbow Studios Publisher: THQ Released: 2003 Genre: Racing |
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| I was excited for this game because the
first one was simple and cool but I hate how it's not on Xbox
eh. I couldn't play on easy cause it locks out half of the
tracks eh, I don't remember what I played in the first
game so I was worried how difficult it's gonna be. The
basic gameplay is very similar based on the very detailed
training mode, you're still doing tricks for boost tiers
and passing buoys with arrows to not lose speed and you
can still submerge and do bunny hops. You can pick from
arcade and simulation controls, obviously I picked the
first. You can pick from 4 characters and unlock more
later, but they might be the same ones from the first
game, and you can change your outfit and vehicle colors.
You get points for the training too and by doing tricks
and winning games and tournaments and you can use them to
unlock shit in the warehouse, like different colored
outfits and jet ski skins, our just pants without shirt or
bikini lol, tracks if you can't win them which is good if
you suck cause you can just play a lot and still unlock
everything, new characters, some retarded song, or
something about the AI. There is a practice mode too where
you can practice every stunt separately but it took me
ages to figure them out like you need to do some tier 1, 2
and 3 stunts by remembering their combos like how the fuck
lmao so I just memorized like 3 of them and kept using
those or just pressed the directions randomly, and there
are vehicle stunts too when you roll around and shit and
those were trickier to execute because you have to start
while you are still on a ramp, later I realized you can
combine the two types for instant max boost (or at least I
think you can lmao I fucking hate these tricks in games).
There are two separate careers here, the normal tracks and
the arenas. The normal ones are fucking crazy lol with so
much shit going on like you teleport to the Bermuda
Triangle and the map is changing after every lap with WW2
planes crashing and shipwrecks and UFOs lmao it's insane,
there is a mechanical dino park lol they walk through the
track then break down, an Arctic one where a walrus is
chasing penguins lol, a pirate cove, a flooded city where
you jump through the goalpost and go through school
hallways lol, a haunted castle being stormed and burned
down around you, some gold mine rapids, and Venice again
fuck I hated that in the first but here there's some
fucking heist going on in the background lol. They all
looked cool but the water looked so much better in the
first game on Xbox eh. I switched gas to R2 cause
I can't fucking do the X acceleration, there is no break
though and there doesn't seem to be any rubber banding
which isn't good when you are behind lol. I could barely
find any shortcuts and some of them would require bunny
hop and shit and I'm so bad I kept crashing eh, but I
didn't seem to fall off the jet ski when I don't finish a
trick in time so that's easier. You can't fucking restart
career races wtf, you gotta freeze the campaign to save
and when you continue it deletes the save (what if the
game freezes or there's a blackout, retarded devs), you
get 4 continues at least, so because of this I played the
new unlocked maps in Arcade mode as I progressed until I
was familiar with the tracks. You don't have to finish
first though sometimes just 2nd or 4th lol, it depends on
your current rank in the standings (you race 4 others
btw). Races are also separated into tiers so your standing
only applies to the current tier. The other championship
is those arena races like in the first game but these can
be so much harder, they have slopes too and later ones are
more complicated with multiple routes, there was one that
looked like the Colosseum though lol and they have real
songs. Arcade has other modes, Freestyle is score more
points doing tricks alone in an arena filled with ramps
and has power ups too, Technical Time Trials is just
running never ending laps to beat best time in a small
track, if you can beat the AI you just have to quit
to unlock a new one, I managed to unlock every track in
all modes so it wasn't as hard as I thought. The
unlockable characters are insane though, there's a miner,
a prehistoric man on a stone jet ski, the spy from Venice,
a ghost zombie lol, I watched all character videos and
skins on YouTube cause I'm not gonna unlock those. It was
genuinely fun and I had a better time than with Downhill
Domination but I wish it was on Xbox, the
only problem was the loading times and it froze a few
times too, but I will keep it and play it sometimes and
maybe unlock everything one day. |
2025/04/15 |
| The History
Channel: Battle For the Pacific (PlayStation 3) Developer: Cauldron HQ Publisher: Activision Released: 2008 Genre: First-person shooter |
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| I remember all the memes of the History
Channel about ancient aliens and shit lol, I never watched
it cause it always had something stupid on when I still
watched TV and other channels had real documentaries, this
wasn't even about history lol usually it was some shit
about ice truckers and fishermen lmao. I wanted to play
this on PlayStation 2,
obviously I know it's shit but I like WW2 but it's a
different game on PlayStation 3
actually so I'm still gonna play that one day. It's made
by the Soldier of Fortune: Payback devs lmao and
literally everything is the same, same menu just with
different backgrounds, same graphics, characters, even
areas look similar lmao, the objective marker is the same,
and the framerate is still awful, the only difference is
you can't sprint and there is no gore and at least the
ammo usually lasts here till the end. You get little
documentary clips before missions but there's no story you
just go from location to location doing objectives in Wake
Island, Bataan, Guadalcanal, Leyte, Luzon and Iwo Jima. A
lot more happening on the screen here, planes flying by
and shit, artillery strikes, and there are allied soldiers
too so you're not just alone and they actually kill
enemies. You gotta follow your sergeant, he keeps stopping
lol it felt like there is a set of path the game expects
you to take and if you don't step on it he just stops,
like holy shit sometimes he kept running back and forth
lmao it's so broken, and if you don't follow him in time
it's game over wtf. There are pretty much just 2 kinds of
levels, trenches and the jungles lmao but they're are all
literally the same, at first I thought it isn't so bad but
then you do some Normandy style landing and I swear it was
literally the same trench used again on a different level
lmao, the only different thing was the last level on Iwo
Jima where you are in the caves. You also do shit like
holding off advancing enemies in a machine gun nest,
destroy planes with AA guns, defuse mines but it's just
press the button and it's done, very simple. That fucking
airfield defense mission was the perfect example to
describe this game, the enemy offense was just a few
soldiers running out of the jungle, when they die the next
wave of few soldiers come and this goes on lmao, and after
that you run away, then you go right back lmao, and then
bomb the airfield which is empty as fuck like everything
in this game. The last mission was that iconic moment on
Iwo Jimo when you raise the flag at the end but even that
looked so simple lmao. It's such a broken mess lmao I
legit thought it will be better than Soldier of
Fortune: Payback but it's way worse, I guess the PlayStation 3 will be for
these dogshit games. It also shattered the record of Soldier
of
Fortune:
Payback cause it only took 3 days to
finish lmao. |
2025/04/13 |
| The Club (PlayStation 3) Developer: Bizarre Creations Publisher: Sega Released: 2008 Genre: Third-person shooter |
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| I heard of this game a few years ago but
there's no way I would have ever burned it. It's an arcade
game and it's all about points, but it's weird like I
heard it's like a racing game lol made by the Project
Gotham Racing devs so I didn't know what to think of
it. Like you're running around a level like a track and
gotta score points by killing peope with certain style to
earn more points. The story is rich fucks made this
tournament of people killing each other and that's it
lmao, it's just a short opening cutscene and never comes
up again. I picked the Canadian blonde rasta dude cause he
looked the coolest, they have stats though (strength,
speed, stamina) and he had the best too. There are 8 areas
with bunch of maps on them, industrial area, Venice
streets, prison, a giant rusty old ship, warehouse in a
shithole city, a manor which is a former insane asylum,
abandoned Soviet bunker, and some Eastern European
shithole warzone. It's extremely fast paced so I wasn't
sure if it's for me (there are arrows pointing you to the
right direction but it's hard to pay attention when you're
running through the map), there is a timer that keeps
running out but not just for the level but for kills too
so you gotta keep killing to keep your combo going, you
can roll, do a 180 turn or headshot enemies for more
points or if you used the last bullet to kill the enemy,
and there are these skull icons hidden for points and to
keep the combo going when there aren't any enemies around
and they have secret green ones too which I think needed
to unlock extras. You have different game modes, Sprint is
like getting a minimum score by just going through the
map, Siege is stay in a small area and survive until time
runs out and if you leave you explode after 5 seconds,
Survivor is the same except you can move around more parts
of the map, Time Attack is running laps around the map
picking up time lmao which you get for kills too and for
shooting time skulls (now this is like racing), and Run
the Gauntlet which is similar just no laps you just gotta
reach the exit in time. The crazy thing is you don't even
have to win lmao just finish, you don't get anything extra
for winning so your only goal is getting more scores but
who gives a shit about that I will never understand it.
Finishing a level unlocks it and its weapons for Single
Event which is like instant action and for Gunplay mode
which is like custom playists and challenges apparently
too, I'm not sure. If you finish on the top 3 you get
gold, silver or bronze bullets but I don't even know what
it does. Finishing a tournament unlocks a new location,
you can change difficulty at the start of all of them
which is good because it's a joke, easy is way too easy
and normal is just too hard, I switched to easy after the
first 2 tournaments, the fucking time limits were too much
for me, I'm sure it would've been easier if I didn't try
to shoot all the skulls but I only want to play this game
once, but at some point I had enough of trying to get them
for such a shitty rewards as you only get 2 concept arts
per location lmao wtf and just started playing as I'm
supposed to just to get through it so I switched back to
normal, then back to easy on the last one lmao because it
was so hard. Playing through the tournament mode unlocks 2
more characters and all of them have different endings but
they're like a few second long videos lmao it's fucking
nothing. I guess it's good for what it is, but I don't get
why would anyone care about scores, to me all I care about
is finishing the game and see all or most of that it has
to offer, who gives a shit how much I score I don't
understand this mentality, there is zero reason for me to
play games that have no real goals. |
2025/04/10 |
| Arx Fatalis
(Xbox) Developers: Arkane Studios, Wizarbox Publisher: DreamCatcher Interactive Released: 2003 Genre: Action role-playing, dungeon crawl |
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| I have a long "history" with this game, I
remember reading about it in 2002 in the PC magazine I bought, and
I found the thought of an underground world where the sun
burned out really fascinating. It's also made by the devs
of Dishonored which I was really excited for when
it came out because of the steampunk world and I played it
on PC but I barely
paid attention to the story lmao I was just interested in
that world and just fought my way through everything so
I'm sure I missed everything that made that game good so
I'm gonna play that again one day. So this kinda popped up
every once in a while, I never really thought about
playing it but it was just interesting, I think reading
about it in a console magazine a few years ago got me
interested again because of all the shit you can do and
how the magic works but I thought it's insanely long like
The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. When I was
looking for Xbox 360 only games to burn
after I got my PlayStation 3
I came across Dark Messiah of Might and Magic:
Elements again which I also thought about playing
before because it looked cool so I finally burned it, and
it's also made by the same devs so that's how I remembered
Arx Fatalis recently. So I watched a bunch of
reviews and they got me interested again, turns out it
isn't insanely long, and I found a strategy guide on a
promo disc on the Internet Archive lol and found out you
can lower the difficulty too so I was really out of
excuses and said fuck it, why not. The PAL version is
actually censored which is dumb because the same disc was
released in all regions, switching the console to NTSC
shows parental controls which you can turn off. The intro
explains what happened with a really nice art, how
everyone moved underground, then you go to character
creation, you can pick one from a few faces and add points
to stats and skills eh I tried to read as much as possible
to know what's useful cause I'm always clueless at this.
You start in prison and don't remember anything, you break
out with a dude who names you Am Shaegar aka nameless lol.
You can pick up so much stuff like a torch to light up
shit around you, and charge up your attack with your
weapon but you can't block (you can equip shields though
but they're just defensive stats). The spell casting is
with D-pad combos and you can precast 5 of them (in the PC version you draw the
rune symbols with your mouse to cast them which is crazy),
it's so complicated though lol but in the Xbox
port you can switch to arcade casting and it's easier
cause you just select it and press the button so that's
what I did after a while. You gotta find runes to learn
new spells, and the combination of them creates them, like
you can ignite fire or throw fireballs and both need the
same rune, but there are so many of them I barely used any
lmao, like levitate, healing, fast movement, but crazy
shit like summoning demon or making enemies explode around
you (there are also scrolls of spells you can find but you
can only use them once). Cooking is also fucking insane
and one of the reason why I got so interested in the game,
you drop raw food on fire and it cooks it, you can make
shit like bread and cookies too by combining ingredients
like water and flour which is insane, and you need to eat
too to stay alive. You can talk to people, goblins or
trolls lol etc and get quests or just save someone and he
will help later, there are so many secret shit and keys to
open locked doors, you can find books and read history
(that's when I realized it ain't gonna be a short game
cause I keep stopping and reading everything), like the
Guild of Travellers that travels on the surface between
cities in the ice cold world is really cool, or how some
dude turned himself into chicken and when you find one and
cast the reveal spell it shows it's the dude lmao. Large
items can take up multiple slots in the inventory but for
keys you can buy a key ring to store all of them on it.
The trading is interesting, you open their chests and
browse items and put there what you want to sell too huh,
and you need to repair your equipment too by giving it to
the blacksmith (or doing it yourself with tools), you can
give items to other people too like I gave a dog some food
and he started following me so cute, but the fucking
vendors have schedules but there is no way to see what's
the time so it's impossible to tell eh. The world is very
brown looking naturally but the graphics look good, I like
the faces escpecially they look natural, there is barely
any music though it's mostly just ambient noises. The
world was really interesting, different people live on
different levels, like the first one is the human capital
city, but there are goblins and trolls, these weird snake
women lol, rat people lmao, or dwarves on the lowest level
(well until they got fucked when they dug too deep and
found a beast that killed them The Lord of the Rings style
lol), it's a huge world and it slowly opens up as you
progress, there is a map but I just followed the guide's
map it was easier, you can activate teleports later for
fast travel and you can save anytime and load up right
where you saved thank god. At first you just go around
solving things for people, like the trolls are the miners
and they're on strike cause their idol is missing, or you
need to speak to the goblin king but you do that by adding
wine to his cookies cause he's alergic to it and he runs
out to the toilet lmao, there are also some cultists and
rebels, a spooky crypt with ghost shit happening and
zombies who can only be killed with stakes, you'll make a
deal with an ice dragon for her egg or go through some
test which are like puzzle rooms with shit like walk
backwards to progress lol, and you learn who you really
are when investigating some ritual murder, what role the
snake women have, there are many intrigues behind the
scenes you can learn by paying attention to little things,
the ultimate goal is to stop a cult from bringing an evil
god back. You get different resolutions of the princess'
fate, I got the good one cause I helped her ghost mother
so she doesn't become a snake lol. And holy fuck the final
boss was insane it took me so many tries, I don't even
know if I could've finished it without playing on easy.
It's really immersive and impressive, just full of
incredible ideas, I heard it's buggy as fuck but not the Xbox
port I guess I couldn't find any other than one crash, but
there's just so much you can do you need to play it
multiple times and I'm not gonna do that. I don't know, I
hoped it would blow me away but it felt like just another
good game, maybe that's just my fault, it was too much for
me and I hoped I'll be done in 3 weeks but it took me more
than a month eh. |
2025/04/09 |
| Silent Hill 3
(PlayStation 2) Devloper: Team Silent Publisher: Konami Released: 2003 Genre: Survival horror |
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| This one I actually spoiled myself as to
what the connection is and what happens to some characters
eh but I didn't know the ending at least. It's actually a
sequel to the first game which is a spoiler itself but
it's obvious after the very beginning. Lol actually I
started watching the movie years ago that's based on this
game but the actress was so ugly and I didn't want to
spoil it before I play the game so I just stopped
watching. The intro song sounds like some 90s alternative
dream pop song, but there is no more CGI eh every cutscene
is ingame, characters look better but it's a more rusty
world like in the first game and honestly the grey world
of Silent Hill 2 looked better graphically. You're
playing as a girl called Heather, you start at an
amusement park and have no idea how she got there (the
pink rabbit is there lol I remember it from magazines). I
wanted to play normal cause the previous game was so easy
but I read it's even harder than the first one eh so I
went with easy again. It plays just like the other games
but one thing you'll notice right away is that your
equipment has categories now, items, weapons and supplies
so it's easier to find them, and that you have a
submachine gun lol. You wake up in mall (I liked how there
are no people around to see but you can hear them) and a
detective starts following you when you slip into the
rusty fucked up world. There is a noise filter which I
always like and the music and sounds are still insane, the
fucking random loud noises are still the scariest thing
about these games. You can save at these red signs and the
Silent Hill 2 saves only unlock some easter eggs
like she tries to put her hand down the toilet and then
says who would do something so disgusting lol. There are
some couple new things you can do, like you can lower and
increase the radio volume and you can put down beef jerky
to distract monsters, there is a bulletproof vest you can
wear but it slows you down so I just equipped it in some
bossfights. Enemy designs are like some monster with big
block as his hands, some spiky thing on the ceiling,
mutant dogs, some grubs, nurses too, so somewhat similar
to the first game. The first Shakespeare book order puzzle
was easy I could even do it without looking at the guide
lol so in that sense the puzzles seemed very similar to
the previous game. You meet this bitch called Claudia who
is part of the cult from the first game and she was the
one who hired the detective to find you, and things are
really fucked up, the world transforms before your eyes
but there are no sirens this time. There was a giant Dune
worm like boss here that looked like a dick lmao, and then
you try to go home through the subway and some underground
station, then an abandoned building under construction
with creepy mannequins. So apparently the game checks how
many supplies you have, if you have a lot you'll find less
stuff and vice versa, you can find a silencer for your
weapon which is obviously not as loud so you don't attract
monsters that much but the damage will be lower, and a
katana which I think was a bonus weapon in the previous
games. You meet another guy called Vincent, that's when it
becomes obvious that this is a sequel to anyone who barely
remembered the first game lol. When you arrive at your
apartment, you find out they killed your father damn and
get into a boss fight, and that's when you decide to go
after that bitch to Silent Hill (you also find a stun gun
here with batterries). It's weird how it took this long
because this was halfway into the game, and there isn't
much to do on the street, no items to find just enemies
but you can get to the club where Maria was lol and then
the hospital, you can't really go anywhere else eh. There
were some really long memos too like a magazine article of
some occult orphanage, and your dad left a note too which
again makes it clear who he was and what's the connection
to the first game. The other world was really fucked up in
the hospital like it's barely recognizable, bloody rusty
walls that sometimes looked like they're alive and some
creepy shit like your reflection in the mirror gets
covered on blood. After that you go to the amusement park
like in your dream, it has a haunted mansion lol with
jumpscares and you can find Henry's notepad from the first
game there where he saved, that was cool to read. The
final location is the church where you use a child's
drawing as map lol, you learn about the cult a bit from
paintings, Alessa from the first game is one of their
saints. The last room leading to the boss fight was also
from the first game, but the game wasn't hard at all eh,
there are very few puzzles and they are easy too, however
there were a lot less items because of the conditions but
I could've played on normal, even the final boss was piss
easy compared to Silent Hill 2 lol how did I get
tricked into playing on easy again lmao. And it doesn't
have multiple endings, you can only get one on your first
playthrough and the rest are a joke (there are some
costumes and weapons like a beam saber you unlock though).
I wonder what was it about besides the surface level stuff
about the cult and who Heather really was, something about
teenage pregnancy maybe or sexuality like the dick looking
worm going inside holes lol and experiencing puberty as a
girl as your body transforms hence the blood that covers
you, but it's not as deep as Silent Hill 2. It's
hard to tell cause I couldn't find a good analysis that
wasn't made by those weirdos who base their entire
personality on their sexuality and I refuse to read
anything by them cause I don't believe people who are
solely fixated on one thing are capable of having unbiased
opinions. It's still great though they're just very
similar, all three of them actually (that's why the first
one is still my favorite), it's just not that deep and
doesn't have the emotional impact of the previous game. |
2025/04/04 |
| Soldier of Fortune:
Payback (PlayStation 3) Developer: Cauldron HQ Publisher: Activision Released: 2007 Genre: First-person shooter |
 |
| I knew this is some shitty game made by
different devs from Slovakia lmao and it just has the same
name so never even thought about playing it until I got
the PlayStation 3 so
now I can check out these dogshit games too. Normally I
would have waited a year before playing the next game in a
series but it has nothing to do with the series other than
the name so I didn't care. It doesn't have John Mullins
anymore so at least they didn't ruin him, but the Shop is
still around but it's just you get some objective from a
laptop before missions and that's it (no sutbtiles of
course). The weapon loadout can still be customized, you
can add a bunch of shit to weapons like grenade launcher,
zoom, but no default option though so you have to select
something without knowing anything about the mission eh,
at least you can see the stats but it's all pointless
cause you run out of bullets very fast and you can't get
more wtf (there are ammo boxes but they are so rare I only
found it once), so you gotta use enemy weapons which don't
have anything not even zoom eh. The gore is insane here
lmao, like normal shots just blow everything off, arms,
legs, heads lmao in the previous games they were at least
realistic with that, and sometimes bodies launch up to the
sky after explosions lmao. I played on easy cause I heard
it has really bullshit one shot kill enemies near the end,
but man the aiming sucks on the PlayStation
3 controller Jesus. It starts in a desert
shithole I don't even remember where maybe Iraq and you're
after some Chinese dude. Arrows point to your objective
but you can't save anytime anymore it just has
checkpoints. Graphics feel very colorless, the framerate
is bad, and some textures are really low res and
materializes right in front of you lol, there was even
some fucking horizontal line on the sky like where the
skybox ends and begins again lmao so cheap. There is no
more armor and health is regenerating and it does very
quickly lol. Sprinting is so fast lmao and guns have
barely any recoil despite the stats. Characters look so
fucking bad and enemies are dumb as hell, and they just
randomly spawn behind you eh. There are boss fights too
but it takes forever to kill them lol like shooting them
with a million bullets, there are cutscenes too but
they're like ingame and so lame lmao. After the first
location you go to some jungle, then to Afghanistan I
guess where the dude just executes someone but his corpse
is still blinking and breathing lmao such a shittily made
game, and of course this one has a helicopter boss fight
too wtf is up with this series, then there is some jungle
again where you have to escort some slave who got killed
so many times Jesus, there is a boss fight where you have
to jump on the back of a truck but who the fuck is driving
it lmao it's just going around, and the final location is
Donetsk which isn't some outside open location like the
rest of it, here you get some shitty platforming parts out
of nowhere and like the worst framerate I've ever seen at
the grenade launcher boss fight. The ending was insanely
dumb and made no sense wtf were they even thinking lol.
It's a horrible game but the thing is it wasn't
frustrating probably because I played on easy, also the
shortest fucking game I've played so far it took me only 4
days Jesus, shame on them for using the Soldier of
Fortune name for this game. |
2025/04/04 |
| Uncharted: Drake's
Fortune (PlayStation 3) Developer: Naughty Dog Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment Released: 2007 Genre: Action-adventure, third-person shooter |
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| I think I only heard of this series in the
mid 2010s, honestly I didn't really pay attention to what
games this console had lol, I was so happy with my Xbox 360 that I had zero idea
about these huge exclusives. Even my impression before
playing it was it's just a shitty walking simulator so I
wasn't really that interested, but now I should play
through it cause I like adventure and treasure hunting
games lol. So this dude Nathan is supposed to be Francis
Drake's descendant, he finds his coffin in the sea but
it's empty but it has his notebook (lol how would it even
survive there), while some girl from a TV show is filming
it when pirates attack the ship and you learn about the
combat, shooting is of course with fucking R1 and L1 is
aiming and you can't change it eh and the cover mechanics
are like Gears of War lol (and the way you collect
ammo and weapons manually too). There is also melee combat
with combos and silent takedowns and some brutal attack
that's actually hard to do lol. The graphics look really
nice for a 2007 game especially the clouds and the water
(his clothes can get so wet lol), but the explosions are
really crappy though lol and there were some bad screen
tearing sometimes. So Drake found El Dorado and you're
trying to find it using his diary hopping from one island
to another, the game is very movie like, I liked the
cutscenes and the characters, Nathan jokes around all the
time and his old partner was a fun character too, even the
bad guys were cool. In some places you can press L2 and
the camera focuses on something important, which could be
a puzzle where you can also pull out the journal for some
clues, they are all very easy though even I could do them
lmao. There is a lot of focus on climbing up on shit,
sometimes parts or entire blocks fall off so you gotta
hurry and time your jumps but it's all very simple
platforming otherwise and it's usually obvious where to
climb so it's a very linear game, sometimes I kept jumping
to the wrong place or fell off but I think mostly because
of the shitty analog stick. Sometimes you gotta walk
through logs and use that motion control shit to balance
eh and you use that for grenades too, to throw them
farther you gotta raise up the controller. There are some
QTEs too but it's usually just one button but you gotta
react really fast. Besides the jungle you are exploring
ancient temples and cities, fortresses, catacombs and
shit, some locations are really cool like you find a
fucking U-boat in the jungle wow, it has a really cool
sense of adventure, it feels like Prince of Persia
mixed with some Indiana Jones. There are a lot of
treasures you can find as collectibles, but when I fucking
missed one I had to go back and replay a chapter because
it doesn't save when you pick one up, only at checkpoints
eh which are actually very frequent. This game has the
usual on-rails turrent section too in a jeep but you also
drive a jet ski a few times, but you can only shoot with
the girl so you gotta stop and aim for that eh. Near the
end you find out the treasure is cursed and fucking
zombies show up lol in some nazi bunker lmao, the final
showdown on a ship was so fucking hard (and of course it
ends with an easy QTE). You get these medals which are
like built-in achievements for treasures, headshots, kills
with different kind of weapons etc but they patched it
later so they are the same as the trophies you unlock (I
got most of them), and they unlock extras too like a bunch
of concept arts and renders, studio pics, motion capture
videos (damn the girl was cute), bloopers, making of
videos, and shit like weapon select or costumes, mirror
world so a bunch of options, some of them you have to
unlock with cheats. I could have done without the
supernatural shit but I guess it's very Indiana Jones or
The Mummy inspired. It's by far the best PlayStation 3 game I've
played so far, it has a really good sense of adventure,
it's fun and not frustrating but the puzzles are piss easy
even for a retard like me, so I'm gonna play the rest of
the series for sure. |
2025/03/26 |
| Ape Escape 2
(PlayStation 2) Developer: Sony Computer Entertainment Japan Publisher: Ubi Soft Released: 2003 Genre: Platform, action-adventure |
 |
| Technically this isn't the second Ape
Escape game, there was a Japanese only game between
them where you're vacuuming monkey pants lmao, and it had
normal controls not this weird analog stick thing. You're
playing as Spike's cousin Jimmy who is supposed to send
pants to the zoo lmao but he accidentally sends the
helmets too, the chick is still there and finally there
are subtitles. You have a little pet flying monkey lol and
when you die he throws you one cookie to bring you back to
life (at some point the professor takes him away eh then
you get him back after few levels, I don't know what was
the point of that cause then he gets stolen too lol). It's
literally the same game though lol same controls and
everything, you still teleport out when you have the
required amount of monkeys. The hub world is the chick's
room cause the lab got destroyed, you can save at a PlayStation 2 lol that was
funny, and you have the usual gadget training which gives
you coins. You still have the monkeypedia lol with their
stats and names, stupid shit like Count Monkula lmao, Monk
Quixote, Monkey Claus, Chimpinator, Chewmonkey, Apewalker
etc lol. There is also this thing there called the Gotcha
Box where you can use gold coins to get these capsule toys
like it's a giant vending machine lmao (10 coins per
roll), you can get secret photos, more coins, hints, notes
from Specter, soundtrack to listen to, fables which are
like famous tales rewritten with monkeys lmao, fortune,
enemy photos, health cookies, concept arts, comics, lives,
ammo, research notes, movies, RC car skins, just so many
shit and you can view them on bookshelves and this is
where you can unlock minigames too. Maps are a lot smaller
and tighter, and it seem easier too, shit like a monkey
Statue of Liberty with banana lol, Apespania lmao, haunted
castle again (with a monkey hiding in a Mona Lisa painting
lmao), a factory with a fucking mech monkey, casino, snowy
hills etc, it really is the same shit mostly just there is
no time travel anymore. Health carries over to the next
level though so that's different, it seems harder to find
cookies and the 5 aren't just 5 hits anymore, they slowly
break when you get hit. Normal enemies felt easier to deal
with, and if you pick up enough coins fast enough they
turn into silver then golden stars and they worth a lot
more. Most of the gadgets are the same and they work the
same way too (that flying shit is still impossible), but
there are new ones like the bananarang lol which is like a
boomerang that attracts monkeys, a water cannon to put
fire out and activate some switches, electro magnet which
pulls magnetic boxes and can also take enemy armor off and
you can stuck into moving blocks to get to the other side.
The vehicles are back and they're still a nightmare to
control but there are some new ones like the snowmobile
and a submarine. The bosses are called Freaky Monkey Five
lmao and they are the only ones besides Specter who can
talk, there is a blue monkey speeding fast on a bike, a
giant fat yellow monkey, a cute pink singer monkey lmao, a
white old German monkey lol fighting with a big robot
version of you, a red monkey who is like a super hero lol,
and the yellow again as a gigantic monster. The minigames
are actually a lot better, there is a fucking dance rhythm
minigame where you press arrows at the correct time, a
monkey soccer which is actually pretty in depth with
positions and stats lol it was kinda fun, and monkey
climber with nightmare controls where you climb up on
ropes to get bananas, fuck no thanks. It has the same kind
of last level too, going after Specter to the Moon eh to
stop him firing some laser that makes everyone depressed
so they won't fight him lol. Of course it's an insanely
long level with idiotic flying parts that are still god
fucking awful but at least you can go back straight to the
boss fight and don't have to go through the entire level
again. The first final boss is a cymbal monkey lol then a
robot monkey Jesus it took me ages, but you actually catch
Specter huh. The credits was like those Japanese conveyor
belt restaurants but there are monkeys there instead of
food lmao. So Specter escapes when you load the save and
you gotta go back and get all the monkeys to get the real
ending, you get this see all scope to find secret hidden
monkeys (god fuck that teleporting wizard monkey) and that
box glove gadget which is the same as in the first game.
You can also get stage photos now with the Gotcha Box and
I unlocked everything by the very end by just playing
through normally and collecting coins. The real final boss
fight was ridiculous it took me forever, and Spike shows
up at the end cutscene and can play through the game again
with him if you want to. I enjoyed this more because it
was easier and the Gotcha Box collecting was really fun
lol but it literally is just like the first game. |
2025/03/16 |
| Kane & Lynch:
Dead Men (PlayStation 3) Developer: IO Interactive Publisher: Eidos Interactive Released: 2007 Genre: Third-person shooter |
 |
| I'm sure I heard of it when that fat dude
was fired from GameSpot for his low score review (just
shows you how big of a deal it was) but I forgot about it
until the past few years. I saw it on Xbox 360 lists and I thought
about playing it but after watching some reviews it didn't
seem like I should be wasting a disc on it. It's kinda
like a Michael Mann films and I like those so I thought I
should check it out here. You play as this ex mercenary
called Kane, you're on your way to death row when you get
rescued and some other inmate called Lynch helps you out.
First it's all dizzy and you can barely see anything, and
you gotta fight your way through the cops. Aiming kinda
sucks but I think it's because the PlayStation
3 controller is just terrible eh, but
shooting is realistic in a way that bullets don't always
go to the target. When you're dying you are on the floor
hallucinating and hearing voices but you can be revived by
an adrenaline shot, but too much overdoses you and kills
you so you gotta watch out, but it's a cool mechanic. When
you are targeted by a sniper you see it in a separate
window like in Second Sight, that was cool too. So
apparently you fucked over your bosses and they got your
wife and daughter, they rescued you to get them their
money back or they'll kill them, and they assign this
Lynch dude to help you but he is an insane schizo lmao and
keep fucking things up killing civilians and hostages lol
(apparenlty in co-op whoever plays as Lynch sees
hallucinations which sounds really cool). You can trade
equipment with him and he can also give you ammo when you
are low which was really helpful (there is P90 in the game
hell yeah). There is a cover mechanic and you can blind
fire out of it kinda like in Gears of War lol. You
can give orders too, attack an enemy, go to where you
point or follow you. Seems like the game only saves at the
end of levels but there are checkpoints, and they have
these audio only conversations on loading screens. You get
missions like a bank robbing that's literally from Heat
lmao they dress the same too, with an on rail shooting
from a back of a van. There is a night club in Japan with
so many people and that one is like Collateral lol, the
music was really cool here it's like you think it's
shooting. You break into a prison to rescue the enemies of
your bosses after they fucking murder your wife in front
of your daughter damn they don't fuck around (fuck that
giant truck "boss") to get yourself a permanent crew, they
work the same way as Lynch (kinda like the Freedom
Fighters game from same devs lol), but they don't
fucking revive each other eh you have to do it and that
sometimes gets you killed. Then you go back to Japan,
rappelling down on a building and killing the Yakuza boss
in his office through the window lmao this was really
cool, and when you escape to the streets was more like
Heat actually. Then it just turns into a war game wtf, you
go to Cuba after your bosses to some Civil War, there are
armored vehicles and shit too and helicopters you need to
shoot down with RPGs (fuck that shit was impossible), and
you get a gigantic squad here with tons of soldiers, it
really is like Freedom Fighters (but they all died
so quickly lmao). Then you're hunting them down in a
jungle and you gotta be stealthy here and then invade
their hacienda to save your daughter. It actually has
multiple endings, you can escape with a helicopter or go
back and play one more level trying to save your squad
too, I went back and played the last level twice to get
both cause it's a short game anyway. But man there is no
good ending, both just end up being fucking miserable.
There is multiplayer too where you could fuck over your
crew and escape with the money lol but it's online only
eh. The story was really interesting cause it doesn't
really tell you what happened between the characters
before the game but I think it's better this way, and you
know what I wouldn't have minded burning this instead of
something like Stranglehold or Turok, but
I wouldn't have played the sequel either way on Xbox 360. Cool, fucked up game
but the gameplay could have been better. |
2025/03/12 |
| Soldier of Fortune
II: Double Helix (Xbox) Developers: Raven Software, Gratuitous Games Publisher: Activision Released: 2003 Genre: First-person shooter |
 |
| I think this was the demo I played but the
HUD is different from the PC
version so I wasn't sure again lol. This game has a
similar story to Syphon Filter as it is about some
insane virus used by terrorists but as you'll find out
things aren't that simple as it seems (no fucking
subtitles of course). The tutorial is like a mission but
it doesn't tell you anything so you gotta listen eh.
Crawling is so slow my god and the screen shakes when you
run which was annoying, and there is also swimming which I
don't remember if it was in the first game. The graphics
are really crappy, their mouth aren't moving eh and it's
such low quality in dark places I could barely see
anything, in early 2002 this would have been fine but in
2003 this is awful eh. The cutscene video quality was bad
too and the voices too lol. The night vision effect is
cool though it's like goggles and not just full green
screen. The first mission is in Prague during Cold War,
kind of like a flashback where Mullins has no mustache
lol, a scientist defects to the West and you gotta help
him escape. There is no custom difficulty anymore even
though the PC version
had it eh, I would have only changed the saving to
unlimited anyway and you can save anytime so whatever.
Aiming feels good but the noise bar is gone but it's still
in the PCversion,
they don't seem to hear even if I run behind them so maybe
they took it out completely lol. It's not so obvious where
to progress like sometimes you gotta walk on the ledge
outside of the window so there is some platforming too.
Some levels are ridiculously short and there are some
on-rails turret sections in cars or helicopter (with Ride
of the Valkyries playing lol), I feel like sometimes I
randomly died because of some bug lol. In the last Prague
level stealth was mandatory eh but that's pretty much the
only place where you can't just go around fucking shit up
like crazy, you can pick up stunned enemies and hide them
but corpses disappear, you can throw your knife for silent
stealth kills and collect it again which was cool. The
Shop HQ is in Texas and you can walk around and listen to
people talk and just do their normal office work lol, you
gotta find your way to the briefing too. The doctor you
helped escape now works there and he thinks his protege
created a bioweapon he wants to use in the World Trade
meeting, so you gotta go to Colombia to see if that virus
used by terrorists is the same one. You can still select
your equipment, and can have addons on them too like a
silencer. The jungle have traps too like in those Vietnam
games lol, but holy fuck water looked like it has oil on
it, it's so low res lmao and the framerate sometimes is
just awful Jesus. I didn't really notice the gore that
much, it's still there but the character models look so
bad, honestly it looked better in the first one wtf, but
the fucking choking on blood sounds they make my god lol.
Sometimes you have allies with you fighting which is
really cool and I missed that from the first game, but
they are so slow lol (that chick from the ending is also
in this game but you don't really fight together). You get
to wear that hazmat suit going through those tunnel things
like in E.T. or X-Files, I thought they look so cool as a
kid lmao. When you invade that Colombian dude's mansion
you learn about the Prometheus terrorist group and he knew
about the Shop and everything, this is when it becomes
obvious that there is a conspiracy going on. There is a
cargo ship mission like in Call of Duty 4: Modern
Warfare, then you go to Hong Kong where you get
captured and gotta escape from prison lol. Your bro's Shop
outpost from the first game gets destroyed and you carry
him out so there are some different non combat type of
levels too. Now the next hospital is when shit starts to
get crazy and I think this might have been that demo level
I played actually (with another fucking helicopter boss
fight at the end, fucking hate these). Then you get some
futuristic weapon like in Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon 2
but it's so hard to use lmao it has a bunch of options to
select and it's impossible to scroll through them when you
are in a middle of a firefight. In Kamchatka you parachute
down lol and go to some underground facility to destroy
the virus production (Jesus fuck that part when you need
to climb on that elevator cable, I kept falling down).
Then you go to a Swiss airport to stop them from infecting
world leaders (it had some couple seconds long freezes
here huh) and get on a plane lol it was like that movie
Air Force One. The final levels are in the Shop HQ which
is under attack and you find out who the mole was (it was
kinda obvious) and the final boss is another helicopter
fight (what's with these games and helicopter bosses lol).
I really liked the ending, it's a big patriotic fuck you
after all the shit he's gone through, being falsely
accused and losing his friends. There is also a random
mission generator huh sounds cool, you gotta select the
type like assassination, demolition, escape, infiltration,
locations like jungle, desert, snow, hills, time of the
day, difficulty, time limit if you want and inventory.
Basically it randomly generates a mission with random map
layout, that's really cool and in theory it gives you
infinite replayability so I will keep the game, but
they're like very open with small buildings somewhere so
it feels empty, it would have been better with close
corridors but sometimes you have allies too which is cool.
The multiplayer is online only eh the first one had bots,
but I might play it one day if I see anyone online. I
liked it but it was a fucking joke on a technical level
and I'm 100% sure it's the porting dev's fault, even their
logo looks like cheap shit lmao, just an awful port. The
tone between the two games is also very different, the
first one is like an early 90s wacky B action movie and
this is like a late 90s military tactical film. Both can
be good, so it's only a matter of preference. |
2025/03/09 |
| The Outfit
(Xbox 360) Developer: Relic Entertainment Publisher: THQ Released: 2006 Genre: Third-person shooter |
 |
| I heard about this game a few years ago
when I was looking for exclusives, I didn't think about
playing it at all cause it didn't look that interesting,
but after getting a PlayStation 3
and finding a strategy guide I decided to try it. It takes
place in WW2 after Normandy and your squad is essentially
trying to hunt down some German general for massacring a
village. The story is only happening in the cutscenes,
there is absolutely nothing during gameplay just
objectives and the combat. It's weird how different the
cutscenes look though like it's not CGI but ingame but
it's like this was originally an Xbox game and
they never re-recorded them cause the gameplay looks so
much better lmao. You select from 3 different characters
at the start of missions (they are voiced by famous
actors), they all have different weapons and stats and a
unique command they can give to their buddies, Mac has a
machine gun and a flamethrower and a tear gas attack
command, the Captain has a bazooka lol and a pistol and a
melee attack command, and the black dude JD has a rifle
and a shotgun and molotov cocktail instead of grenades and
an assault vehicles command (they also have supress and
and normal assault commands too). They will unlock new
weapons as you earn medals which you get for bonus
objectives and they're also the achievements. You have a
Destruction on Demand menu which you can open with Y, you
can call allies to fight with and you can reinforce them
when they die, or you can order vehicles or turrets and
shit, but you need FU points to get them which you get for
killing enemies and destroying or capturing shit. You have
regenerating health and infinite ammo which is good but
aiming was slow as shit and you can't change the
sensitivity eh. It's a very simple game though, the goal
is just to capture command posts like in Star Wars:
Battlefront but it's almost always very linear and
you can only go forward to the next one. Besides normal
command posts you have buildings and capturing them gives
you access to better stuff, like armory you get better
turrets, motor pool gives you more vehicles, and you can
call in artillery and airstrikes after capturing the radio
tower. Turrets can be machine guns, anti armor, AA guns
etc and you can reinforce them with your allies too but it
costs FU points too. You have vehicles like jeeps,
halftracks, tanks, or crazy ones like tanks with
flamethrower lmao or with rocket launchers. The driving
sucks though, but your buddies get in your vehicle and you
can only use the gun if someone is sitting there but
you're still shooting it which is cool. You can repair
vehicles and buildings and bridges too which also cots FU,
in fact you can order a new bridge and a plane drops it
down lmao (you can't fly planes though just shoot them
down). There are also armored trains you can drive lol but
you can't order those, and you can destroy everything
which was cool. You can respawn anytime when you die from
one of the captured points but enemies very rarely retake
them, usually it happens when it's part of mission to
counterattack. The Captain actually dies midgame wtf and
the nazi general joins you and replaces him lol so it
turns into Wehrmacht againts SS (he's clearly inspired by
the real Beck from Stauffenberg's plot). You can activate
cheats after getting certain amount of medals but it's not
really a hard game, it kept freezing though when I tried
to load a save and had to restart the entire mission eh. I
guess multiplayer is the real deal here where the map
opens up but there are no bots so I couldn't try it eh.
It's not the kind of game I normally would have played so
I was right to not burn it before but it wasn't bad and it
kept me occupied, I wish it had bots though I bet it would
have been a lot of fun. |
2025/03/04 |
| Naval Ops: Warship
Gunner (PlayStation 2) Developer: Microcabin Publisher: Koei Released: 2003 Genre: Vehicle simulation game |
 |
| I found this when I was looking for more
naval games to play, I love this shit but Battlestations:
Midway was kinda disappointing. I loved the concept
of battleships with lasers and plasma weapons lmao but it
doesn't have any review videos eh and the manual was
insane with so much shit. The story is insane too, a WW2
fleet gets transported through a portal to some parallel
universe lmao where this evil Empire rules and rebels help
you out when you arrive and only one of your ship remains.
Thank god for a complex tutorial, the controls aren't
realistic like ship speed's effect is immediate, like it
stops instantly or goes into reverse if you press it, it's
great for an arcade game. You turn with L1 and R1 and
again it's really fast, but you gotta lead on enemies eh I
hated that in Battlestations: Midway too, at least
your weapon auto changes to air or ship attack based on
how high or low the crosshair is. You can zoom in with
circle, square and triangle is used to select between
weapons, R2 automatically shots down planes, torpedoes or
rockets with machine gun which is really helpful. You can
can get different damages, like fire, flooding etc and you
can repair the ship a couple times, but you can't do
anything while it's happening and it slowly reactivates
ship parts and if you get hit during repairs you suffer
extra damage. You can select 4 different ships, Japanese,
US, British and German, from easy to hard in this order, I
went with the Japanese of course and played on easy
difficulty too. Between missions you're on the dock,
Briefing is where you get mission details, Tech where you
can spend money on leveling up Air tech, Engine,
Metallurgy, Weapons and Electronics to get better stuff,
Depot is where you can buy or sell ship parts and prebuilt
ships too. Design is where you can build or modify ships
and it has tips and help too but it's insane, you can tell
the computer too what you want and it automatically
designs a ship for you but honestly this shit is
impossible for me to figure out so I looked up the Japanes
net and found a step by step guide and just tried
following that. The controls are weird, it was hard to get
used to aiming with the left stick. Besides the usual
ships sometimes you have land targets, at first I had a
hard time figuring out what to destroy. Enemies can drop
health, money, parts, more repairs, or secondary damage
fix, and you can pick up survivors too for exta money.
Completing the objective isn't enough, you gotta exit the
map to finish the level and that can be really hard. You
get ranks and you can get items if it's high enough and
also get promoted but I don't know what that does. Every
theatre has 10 missions, the last is a boss fight vs a
supership lol but there are other boss fights sometimes
too. You're supposed to replay missions to earn money and
parts but fuck that shit, I couldn't even beat the first
boss so I just said fuck it and gave myself the money
cheat and leveled up all techs to max and bought the best
ship and just started treating it as a simple naval combat
game. This shit was impossible for me it's a shame I'm so
dumb and I couldn't enjoy it but this is the kind of game
you are supposed to play for months and I don't have time
for that, there so many games to play and I'm essentially
racing with time to finish everything before the consoles
stop working or I stop existing. Most missions were kinda
generic like escorting a fleet or defending some base,
destroying mines, hunting submarines (with depth charges),
and sometimes you have allied fleet with you in a gigantic
battle that was cool especially with my battleship just
fucking shit up lmao (when I was young I played almost
every game with cheats cause I was so terrible it reminded
me of that, just pure fun). It had different weathers too
like a storm but I didn't notice if they had any effect on
the ship. The bosses were insane, like a gigantic
submarine, a giant plane lol, two battleships welded
together, a giant ship with drills and saws lmao, or a
fucking iceberg ship you can attack with a flamethrower
lol. The enemies with the laser weapons are only in the
very late game eh and they didn't even damage you that
much especially if you have a shield, so even the coolest
part of the game was fucking underwhelming. There was no
way I could beat the final boss lmao so I just gave up,
whatever it sucked anyway I'm too dumb for this shit and
I'm not gonna play a shitty game like this for months. |
2025/02/25 |
| Blood Omen 2
(Xbox) Developers: Crystal Dynamics, Nixxes Software Publisher: Eidos Interactive Released: 2002 Genre: Action-adventure |
 |
| I wanted to go back and play a couple
earlier games that I can now but I didn't know when but I
decided to do it at the end of a year. I was getting ready
for the next game when I realized it's from 2005 and I
finished 2004 lol and the first one is the next Legacy
of Kain game that I can finally play on Xbox.
This takes place between the first two games but in an
alternate timeline Soul Reaver 2 created. You pay
as Kain again, the Sarafans are back in this timeline and
defeated his armies, they thought he died but he was
asleep for 200 years. This vampire chick called Uma who is
part of the vampire resistance wakes him up, they wants
his help cause the Sarafans killed most of the vampires.
He is in Meridian which is Nosgoth's capital, and you
gotta defeat traitorous vampires to get their powers and
face the Sarafan Lord (still no fucking subtitles of
course). They use this Glyph technology which kinda makes
it like a steampunk world which is weird in this universe
but it's supposed to be magic, like there are these green
gates you can't pass (if there is one in cutscenes it
completely fucks up the audio, I literally couldn't hear
what they're saying eh), like there is a fucking subway
too lmao and cars, gramophones with music playing etc. The
graphics somehow look worse than in Soul Reaver 2
eh, apparently it was made by some backup team. The game
has shitty tank controls basically and the inverted camera
is fucking awful and jumpy as hell, it made me dizzy eh.
You can save at checkpoints now thank god, the save system
was the worst part of Soul Reaver 2. The way the
game works is very similar to first game, health
constantly depletes so you gotta drink blood (even the bar
is similar too), but there is no mana bar instead there is
a lore bar which is XP, the more blood you drink the more
you get and when the bar is full both bar's size increases
so you need more XP which you can also get from hidden
chests (I just kept killing all civilians too to get blood
lmao there is no penatly or bad ending for that). Water is
still deadly, and you can jump or glide over gaps. The
combat is with lock-on too, Kain has claws too and he can
pick up any weapon but they break after a while and you
can find weapon boxes which buff the weapon you hold,
blocking attacks just by holding the left trigger fills up
a meter you can use to unleash brutal attacks which are
part of his Dark Gifts which are like his powers in the
first game. You get them by killing bosses (fuck that
Nosferatu looking one, it took me forever), besides the
normal brutal attack you have Mist which makes you
invisible but you can only use it in foggy places but in
the first game it made you fast too here it's very slow
but when you see a skull icon you can stealth kill with
one hit (they can see you if you stand in front of them
though), Jump is like a giant jump but it's like in Aliens
vs.
Predator lol you gotta move your ghost figure
where you want to jump and he will auto do it and you can
kill enemies like that too, Charm takes control over a
human to open doors you can't access, Berserk is a more
brutal attack, Telekinesis is obvious, and Immolate sets
enemies on fire and instakills most of them. It seemed
like enemies are just waiting for you to finish fighting
the dude who you are locked onto so it's just one-on-one
lmao it was all very simple. It's incredibly linear, you
can only go one way, big puzzles are gone it's just active
this switch here to advance and that's pretty much it lol,
there are some boxes too but mostly they're just there to
move them out of the way. Most of the game takes place
inside the city's different districts and some of them are
very industrial looking, but everything feels so empty
though, even the stores you can get into have barely
anything there. The citizens have conversations though you
can listen to lol (it even has the help me kind sir sound
from the first game lol), and Vorador is back as the
leader of the resistance. You go outside of the city too
like through canyons in some hooded clothes lol (his
clothes keep changing so that's nice), some pretty grim
ancient prison where people went crazy from torture with
an insane mutant half machine vampire boss lol (this level
was my favorite), a Hylden underground place with some
gigantic mass they want to use to destroy everyone, and a
secret Hylden fortress on some island (fuck this was
brutal and the game froze too eh and during the final boss
fight too). The Sarafan Lord has the Soul Reaver, and you
find some Nexus stone cause that's the only thing that can
resist it and you need to stop him and close the portal
where the Hylden come from. The end credits had the usual
concept arts (why are they thanking the Dutch queen lmao)
but the extras only had trailers eh, all the cool behind
the scenes stuff I love are completely missing from this
game. It was kinda lame and very linear and simple but I
didn't get bored playing it, it's the second worst in the
series imo and I'm not sure what it even added to the
story. Well only one game left to play which hopefully
managed to have a satisfying ending. |
2025/02/21 |
| Condemned (Xbox 360) Developer: Monolith Productions Publisher: Sega Released: 2005 Genre: Survival horror, action |
 |
| Also known as Condemned: Criminal
Origins outside of the civilized world. I remember
this game from the magazine I bought, it was a launch
title but I didn't want to play it at all because it's a
horror game and I didn't like that first person meele
combat, I only burned the disc after I got my PlayStation 3 cause I can't
play it anywhere else, plus I got used to scary games more
and to the gameplay thanks to games like Breakdown
(this one had FPS vomiting too lmao), and it was made by
the F.E.A.R. developers. It had some prequel flash
game which was like small live action scenes of an FBI
agent investigating, I watched it on YouTube but it
doesn't add anything to the story. You are also playing as
an FBI Agent called Ethan Thomas who seem to have some
sort of psychic ability, you arrive at some shithole part
of the city where a body was found and the killer seems to
be the serial killer called the Match Maker who uses
mannequins to create these fucked up scenes around the
body. The graphics are like F.E.A.R. and I love
that style, it's kinda grainy too which looks great, but
this one had the white lines on the top and left too lmao
I guess the devs were just retarded. Dude walks so slow
lmao you can sprint a little but he gets tired easily, and
you can't jump but sometimes you need to move an object or
get down to somewhere when you see the button prompt. You
can have the flashlight always on thank god, you need it
cause it's a dark game, I increased brightness too cause
fuck that lol. You gotta investigate too but the game
always tells you where and it automatically gives you the
tool you need. The crime scenes are so fucked up like in
Seven, this lady on the phone helps you and it's like a
smartphone with buttons and you get instant results back
(man I wish modern phones were like that), you have a
bunch of forensic tools like UV light, a green laser, a
camera to take photo, some tool to take samples, a scanner
and a gas detector. The enemies are fucking maniacs, bunch
of addicts, hobos or big dudes who look like firefighters
etc, they're fucking crazy coming at you screaming and
swinging their weapons, fuck they hide and knock shit down
or roll something like a can out to scare you. You can use
guns but you gotta manually check ammo and you can't
reload, you only get a few shots with them before you run
out of bullets. So most of the combat is melee, you can
grab almost anything you see (like pipes, planks, desks,
mannequin arms lol etc) and they have stats too lmao like
speed, damage, block, reach (blocking attacks was so hard
for me eh), enemies can hit each others too and they start
fighting lol, and they can drop through ceiling and shit
or break through walls lol. Some doors need a specific
weapon to get inside like an axe or a shovel, and you also
get a taser that can stun enemies, it's really helpful but
it takes some time to recharge. When enemies are kneeling
down after you beat them into submission you get 4
executions you can do with the D-pad lol, ram, punch, snap
and slam, and they're really brutal. You need to find
health kits to recharge your health, you can't carry them
with you so sometimes you gotta go back to find more. You
can find these dead birds as collectibles (6 per level),
there are also metal pieces (3 per level) and TVs (lol
there was an Xbox
360 next to them
sometimes). On the first level the real antagonist takes
your gun and shots the cops who are with you so everyone
except that FBI lady thinks you killed them, to clear your
name you go through the worst possible parts of the city
to find more evidence and stop him. Honestly this game is
the best example of that shithole city aesthetic I love,
you go through run-down areas like the subway, tunnels,
abandoned buildings like a shopping mall where the fucking
mannequins attack too Jesus, a library, a school or a
farm. The sound design is ridiculously good in this game,
the way the enemies scream or knock shit down, or the
music and just the sounds you make are really fucking
creepy. You get these flashbacks too when you are
investigating thanks to your psychic ability I guess, but
you also hallucinate sometimes like when the mannequins
are teleporting around you. But there are other clever
scary moments too like when I looked into the mirror and
saw the guy behind me getting ready to attack lol. As you
progress you find out the real enemy is another serial
killer who is hunting down serial killers lol (like that
TV show), fuck the final level with the stick guy my god,
the final boss fight had waves of enemies while the boss
jumped down, you gotta beat him up and remove metal parts
from his body, it took me forever. You can decide the fate
of the serial killer but I don't think it made any
difference, but wtf was that ending lmao it came out of
nowhere (the end credits was really cool, I miss analog
tech so much). The achievements are actually the
unlockables, like concept arts and character renders,
weapons, video of early gameplay with forensic tools,
concept art video, motion capture video, some reports that
explain why everyone went crazy and why the lady at the
end was talking about a cult, a long ass gameplay of the
original concept with the same location but dude used
magic lol it seemed pretty finished to me with different
story I guess, and animation videos (I literally unlocked
all but 2 achievements lol). There was a glitch at some
point but it fixed itself by walking back to a different
part of the level, other than that it was relatively bug
free. It was suprisingly good I can't believe I didn't
want to play it, it really felt like F.E.A.R.,
shame the final fights on the last level kinda ruined it
lol it was too hard but it got me interested in finding a
movie or a series with a similar concept I haven't seen
yet and I found Millennium, I heard of it before but I
thought I needed to watch X-Files (which I actually did
when I was in kindergarten lmao) but turns out no it's
separate they just did the ending in X-Files after it was
cancelled, I loved the first season but the second fucking
ruined it with the consultant group turns out to be some
fucking cult out of nowhere with zero lead up to it eh. I
will play the sequel on PlayStation
3, I hope they gave the player more freedom
with the crime scene investigations. |
2025/02/20 |
| RTX Red Rock
(PlayStation 2) Developer: LucasArts Publisher: LucasArts Released: 2003 Genre: Action-adventure |
 |
| I remember reading about this in a PC magazine, I have no
idea how it got there cause it's PlayStation
2 only (maybe because it was a LucasArts
article) and I just got fascinated by it. I thought about
playing it but when I saw the reviews I was like nope, but
recently I found a strategy guide and found out you can
die as many times and it's not game over you just respawn
lol and you don't have to kill the enemies again so I was
like why not let's give it a try. The subtitles were
completely out of sync in the opening cutscene lol, these
aliens called LEDs attack Earth then some colony on Mars,
they send this elite soldier called EZ Wheeler there, the
dude is recovering from an injury where he lost an eye and
an arm and they were replaced with mechanical ones. The
interface is kinda complicated, you can change scan modes
on your eye and you need a specific one to see the map and
objectives, and there are also slots for weapons and
items. You have a sassy AI girl called Iris that helps
you, you need to insert her module to use things and don't
forget to remove it after or you're fucked. Thank god you
can change both inverted shit, why wasn't this an option
in Star Wars: Bounty Hunter eh. The graphics are
kinda meh it reminds me of very early PlayStation 2 games but the
framerate is so bad, the music is techno scifi which was
ok. You crash land on Mars after you fuck around on a moon
base, you have a Buzz Lightyear looking spacesuit lmao and
you need oxygen to survive outside (you gotta recharge it
from the inventory), you can make really long jumps lol
which is required for the platforming parts. The camera is
awful and the combat is with lock on but it's so bad
sometimes he just turns around eh, the pistol has infinite
ammo but you can pick up LED weapons which need ammo. You
can find cash which you can use in vending machines to buy
health, oxygen and food you can drop to distract LEDs lol
(and you can stun them too with fire extinguishers).
Besides the Naviscan there is Thermoscan which can reveal
invisible enemies, Electroscan shows things you can
interact with or open, Bioscan reveals some spiritual
alien shit called Old Souls wtf. You can find upgrades for
your arm too, a torque wrench to open panels, grapple hand
to go to areas you can't reach, taser to activate panels,
plasma cutter to open walls on specific places and a
catapult lol to launch butane tanks. There are 100
survivors you can find throughout the game, you get this
alien device that scans them and stores them lol to carry
them with you, I don't know where the fuck are they hiding
not even the strategy guide has them all lmao but still I
found 90. You can save anytime so that's good it just puts
you back at the beginning of a section like when you die.
Sometimes you gotta go inside a computer to hack or
activate something, these parts are like Rez or Tron
2.0:
Killer
App visually, you're going through these
gates avoiding traps to pick up some shit, I have no idea
wtf to do I just drove around and it just worked sometimes
lmao later I just followed the strategy guide. Before I
played the game I thought it's like you are a repairman on
Mars and just go around repairing stuff on a colony that
lost contact and try to find survivors and shit, and a lot
of times you do that, crawling around, fixing machines and
using robots and shit but only to progress and there are
way too many annoying combat parts. Those alien fuckers
come from teleports and you need to use junk on those to
disable them. So you go around fixing power stations or
going through a mine or farm areas and the colony itself
and shit until you find these ancient aliens called Old
Souls who guard the Foundation Stones which the LEDs are
really after, so your goal is to find them all. They
actually have powers, one summons an Old Soul to talk,
there is a blinding stone that blinds LEDs, hiding stone
makes you invisible and healing stone restores health and
oxygen. Sometimes you need to drive a Mars rover lol or an
alien ship but the controls are terrible, and at some
point you get a jetpack too but again terrible controls.
Areas are actually pretty detailed as in they have a lot
of shit around lol, in a gamestore in the colony I found a
Monkey Island poster too lmao with a bunch of other
LucasArts games, but there are some other cool moments
like when you have to build a fucking robot girl to
distract a robot cannon lol, she shakes her ass too lmao.
At some point the dude gets trapped behind a chain-link
fence and you gotta play the colony chick boss to rescue
him, (why the fuck isn't he cutting himself out with his
tools lmao shitty game), she gets a machine gun you can't
get and you gotta move inside a box to pick her up
controlling a robot to take her through areas without
oxygen so there are some clever parts. There are boss
fights too but if you die there you gotta restart the
fight eh some of them were awful like that ship. When you
get all stones you gotta go to some underground place to
summon all the Old Souls, you get a stone from them which
turns you into gold and you lose your equipment but you
fire laser from your arm and shit now, you take the battle
to the mothership lmao you have so much health you can
barely get damaged and you're just destroying them like
crazy. The final boss was insane and you gotta switch
between your 3 attacks when you could barely see anything
with the shitty camera and lock on, it took me forever to
win. I guess you need to save everyone to unlock all
extras but there is a cheat, you get a blooper reel of
bugs during development lol it's so long, an early motion
test video, a comic preview and the full comic too in an
interactive form with sounds and music but I couldn't read
it on this TV, photos of the devs and concept art videos.
I read the comic later and it's the mission where he lost
his arm and eye, lmao the game is so kid friendly but here
Iris has giant tits and EZ is muscled and just massacring
aliens lol. It's just not good unfortunately which is a
shame because the concept of fucking around on Mars fixing
shit on a colony is really cool but the execution sucks,
vehicles are awful to drive, the interface is not easy to
use, combat is awful and the framerate is terrible. It's
kinda like Run Like Hell, if it came out 2 years
earlier it would have been an ok game but in 2003 this is
just not enough and outdated as hell, but still it has a
soul like all LucasArts games. |
2025/02/10 |
| Call of Juarez
(Xbox 360) Developer: Techland Publisher: Ubisoft Released: 2007 Genre: First-person shooter |
 |
| I think I heard of the second game cause it
takes place during the American Civil War, I wanted to
play that but it's part of a series and this one didn't
look that interesting and I heard it's frustrating so I
dropped the idea, but after getting a PlayStation 3 I used the
remaining DVDs on games I can only play on my Xbox 360 so I thought I give it
a chance. The name is a reference to the gold of Montezuma
which supposedly is hidden near the town of Juarez and
that it's cursed and it drives people insane. The game
starts with a shootout with a gatling gun, you don't know
what's going on then when it's over you get a two weeks
earlier screen to find out what lead to this by playing
through the game. You start with this young dude called
Billy who ran away from his stepfather and now comes home
to visit his mother. The graphics look pretty good for an
early game (on PC it
came out a year earlier too) with a really nice looking
nature (where wolves can attack you) and big open areas
and shit, like it's really impressive how fucking huge
they can be with giant slopes where you go down like in Galleon
lmao wtf even when you're on a horse. There is a lot of
interactivity, you can pick up so much shit with X, like
carry a box to climb up somewhere or put it down on a
plank to weight it down so you can walk over, or you need
to fill a bucket with water to put some fire out, it's so
cool. There are a lot of cool details too like horseshit
on the street lol and you can see your entire body when
you look down. Billy has a more stealthy gameplay, you
need to hide in bushes and in the dark, and platforming
too like using the whip to climb up and swing lol, you can
even kill enemies with it lmao. From what I understand in
the original PC
version it was a lot more stealthy with less combat but
they changed it and reworked some levels and added auto
aim and regenerating health thank god (you can still pick
up whiskey bottles as health when the screen is red and it
instantly recharges it) so as always it's the superior
version to play (fuck PC
lmao). There are two kind of collectibles, the wanted
posters which are pics and some info of the devs lol and
if you collect at least 30 it unlocks a harder difficulty,
and hidden bonus weapons which I usually kept using
because the normal weapons sometimes are rusty and they
stop working after a while, but Billy also has a bow and
arrows (which you can recollect from bodies) and those are
important for stealth kills, and you can go into bullet
time with it lmao. There are also rifles and shotguns, and
dynamites you can throw (or shoot down in the air when
they throw it at you lol). Some objectives have a time
limit, like when you're trying to find a pistol in a
whore's room and when she comes back she sucks you off
lmao. Billy isn't the only character, usually you
alternate between characters and play as this priest dude
called Ray who is his unlce, he finds his brother and his
wife murdered and thinks Billy did it cause he runs away
so he is chasing after him throughout the game to take
revenge. He can equip his Bible and read passages lmao and
it can confuse and freeze enemies, so crazy lol. He can
also use bullet time (called concentration mode) when you
pull out both guns at the same time and you can control
the two crosshairs separately with the analog sticks.
There is also quick shooting mode with revolvers which I
used a lot more, and you can kick doors in too. Ray also
has duel segments, you gotta draw your weapons slowly with
the analog stick to aim properly and it works like
concentration mode for a little bit, you can dodge to left
and right but you can't move. You get stats at end of
episodes but it doesn't really matter, but you also get a
nice narration on the loading screens before the start of
episodes where you learn more about the characters. Some
episodes can be quite short but most of them felt
extremely long, mostly because I played it very slowly so
it took me forever to find all bonus weapons and posters
or just trying to be hidden with Billy, like there was a
stealth segment in a storm and you become visible for a
few seconds when lightning strikes, it really is an
immersive game. Some cool segments were riding on a
minecart Indiana Jones style lol (and you ride horses too
but it was so hard to control), saving a train from
bandits, doing these trials for some Native dude climbing
up mountains and swinging from platform to platform with
your whip Jesus, or treasure hunting in a cave with traps
and big spiders lol. You fight the final boss like 3 times
lmao to save Billy's love but poor Ray doesn't make it.
You get exta missions too after beating the campaign, it's
unrelated to the story just a sheriff saving people from a
gang burning down a house, then shooting his way through a
town, and in the third one you become the sheriff in that
town and go around stopping bandits attacking the bank or
some women place, and you find out the commissioner who
sent you there is with the bandits but the dude escapes to
Mexico after killing them cause he has no proof lol. You
also get duel challenges after you defeat them in the
story with little character bios on the loading screens.
It has multiplayer too but it's online only eh. Honestly
it's suprisingly good and immersive, I didn't expect it at
all and it's by far the best Western game I've played
(which doesn't say much cause I only finished two others
lol), it was fun and I'm looking forward to play the rest
of the series. |
2025/02/09 |
| MechAssault 2: Lone
Wolf (Xbox) Developers: Day 1 Studios, FASA Studio Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios Released: 2004 Genre: Third-person shooter |
 |
| God I played the first game so long ago I
barely remembered anything other than the gameplay, I
rewatched the cutscenes but the story was barely there
anyway lol. I felt something was missing but when I played
it online I realized it was more about the multiplayer and
the campaign was just an afterthought. The main menu is
pretty cool, you can walk around a spaceship but it has no
function lol. So the story is about this datacore they
recovered in the first game, you have the same crew but
they look different and they developed some BattleArmor
which is like a tiny mech, and they're walking around the
city when mechs attack (no subtitles of course). It has a
laser and mortal weapons, a jumpjet and you can grab onto
walls with it to get over them which is cool. The graphics
look better, you still have those gigantic explosions when
mechs are destroyed lol, the characters look nice in
cutscenes, and there are a lot more details like people
walking around so you aren't just a gigantic mech
destroying cities. The upgrade and health pickups are the
same, but you can hack mechs with the BattleArmor wow by
grabbing onto them and doing this quick QTE and then you
can exit it as just a dude running around and enter the
mech. It was a good idea to play on easy lol it was still
hard like the first one. It doesn't take place on the same
planet, you rescue some pirate chick who takes you to
other planets with different locations like cities,
swamps, fields, an arena with mech statues lol etc to hunt
for more datacores. You can't pick mechs before missions
anymore and you need to drive tanks too sometimes, you can
zoom in with the cannon and you can knock mechs down if
you aim at their legs which was pretty cool. Being able to
leave your mech added a lot of variety, there are some
missions where you gotta steal mechs, like by grabbing a
plane's wings to carry your BattleArmor to a base and you
can shoot at enemies while holding onto it lol, and you
gotta pilot a plane too and you can pick up armored cars
lol and carry them but the controls were weird. You are
very vulnerable though so it's best to clear the area
before you jump out to activate some panels with QTE, but
there were longer on foot sections too which were more
stealthy, enemies can only see you when you're in front of
them and you gotta plant charges to destroy buildings, but
the dumbass gets stuck in everything eh. There were some
turret section too, this introduced a new weapon the
guided missile, which obviously isn't useful while
controlling a moving mech. There weren't many new weapons
though, I don't remember having a flamethrower in the
first game (which is actually quite useful at close
range), and some mechs have an attack called alpha strike
when all your weapons are max upgraded you fire all of
them at once lol. Sometimes you have allies too which is
cool, I don't think they were in the first game either.
There are boss fights with gigantic mechs lol whith metal
music playing in the background, like a huge spider with a
gigantic explosion too lol, or later waves of little
spiders who can hack you. The final boss fight was with a
gigantic skull face mech lol in your tiny BattleArmor, you
gotta hack it a bunch of times to disable its shields to
finish it lol. There are no extras eh but the limited
edition DVD had a making of video so I watched that on
YouTube. The multiplayer modes are similar I assume,
however there was a really cool one called Conquest mode
which was a persistent online mode where you see the
galaxy map and you can attack or defend planets or join in
to support the battle, every planet has a different game
mode associated with it so it keeps changing which faction
controls what, it's a really cool idea. This is a much
better game and a more complete experience on its own
(even though it's still ridiculously short, it only took a
week to beat it), and the cool additions to multiplayer
make me wish Insignia supported it. |
2025/01/29 |
| Clive Barker's
Jericho (Xbox
360) Developer: MercurySteam Publisher: Codemasters Released: 2007 Genre: First-person shooter |
 |
| I remember seeing this game in stores and
reading about it in magazines, I thought it looked so cool
I actually almost bought it for PC
lol. So I always wanted to play it but after seeing some
bad reviews I didn't want to waste a DVD, but after I got
that 25 pack Verbatims I changed my mind. I watched
Hellraiser a few years ago which was made by the dude who
wrote the story, the characters looked cool but the movie
was very meh. You are part of the Department of Occult
Warfare agency which is like a paranormal investigating
unit with your squad kinda like F.E.A.R. but
everyone here has powers, apparently god created this
being called Firstborn before humans and then banished it
because it terrified him lol. You're being sent to
Al-Khali with your 7 member Jericho Squad because some
cult took it over, the place is really cool with Sumerian
ruins. You have a primary and secondary weapon with
different firing modes, sometimes you get QTEs fuck you
need to react so fast, but there are infinite retries
thank god. I played on easy cause I heard it's hard and
the friendly AI is dumb, but enemies are still bullet
sponges eh. You play as Captain Ross and his power is
healing dead allies, and your squad members are separated
into Alpha and Omega squads, you can send them separately
to different positions, or give advance all and hold all
commands, but you are alone too sometimes. It's very
linear though, you can only go one way and sometimes the
squads splits up but you can't pick which one to control
or where to go. It has the typical horror music and the
graphics looked really nice and very slimy looking lol
with blood and guts and shit everywhere but the game is
very dark in some places, I had flashlight on most of the
time, it didn't seem to have any limit. Here you have the
dead cultists as enemies, some of them explode lol and
there are flying ones too (these all show up throughout
the game), but a lot of times combat is just waves of
enemies and when they die a bunch of flies eat up their
corpes ew. At the end of this first area your character
actually dies and your squad goes through some breach to
the past, here is where the main gameplay element of the
game happens as your ghost survived and you can possess
your squadmates and use them and you can still use your
healing ability. They all have different weapons and
powers, the sniper chick called Black has a grenade
launcher too and she's telepatic and you can control her
bullet's path to kill more enemies lol, the big native
dude Delgado has a giant machine gun and can unleash a
fire spirit that attacks enemies and lights them on fire
and has a fire shield too, Church is a chick with a tiny
machine gun and a samurai sword and she can use blood
magic to freeze enemies or set them on fire, the autistic
chick Cole has a rifle that can see the weekness points
when you zoom in and has grenades and she can slow down
time, add fire damage to everyone's attack and recharge
everyone's ammo on checkpoints using time warps with chaos
math and shit lol, the priest dude Rawlings has pistols
with different ammo types like explosives and he can heal
too from far and drain enemy health, and Jones who can use
astral projection and can take over enemy bodies to open
doors with inaccessible switches (sometimes by jumping
from bodies to bodies) and he has the same weapons as Ross
had. The powers slowly activate as you play through the
game and they're needed to progress so you switch a lot
between them for different situations. They can be really
stupid though like standing out in the open instead of
moving behind covers. You have files you can unlock about
them or enemies, most would require beating missions on
hard so fuck that but you can get some by killing enemies
with grenades or headshots, but I could read all of them
in the strategy guide lol and you can learn a lot about
their backstories. So you arrive to this thing called The
Box where segments of different time periods are locked
inside, the first one is WW2 with nazi machine gunner
monsters where you learn that anytime the breach opens it
needs 7 people to close it (the nazi one has OSS Brits)
and when it closes it takes a little bit of the place with
it so those dudes are still trapped in there, and no one
can actually die there, if they do the flies make them
serve the Firstborn. There are boss fights too and you
need to use at least one of your squad's special power to
kill them. Next age is the Crusades with Templars lol with
burning skies and blood river around a big castle, with a
gigantic meat monster and fucking ghosts of child
Crusaders (I remember that from history books, apparently
it was bullshit though). Then there is the Roman times
with crucified people everywhere and bathhouses with
shielded legionaries and giant gladiators, the huge fat
cannibal boss makes you fight like a gladiator in an arena
lol. The last location is Sumerian times with the original
city wow it was so big, you gotta reassemble the last good
priest by killing the other 6 to close the breach, these
feel so rushed like they didn't have time to finish the
game so it's kinda like just boss fights after boss fights
but they didn't even have any dialogue. And then the final
level wtf was that lol, they fuck over the Sumerian dude
and decide to fight the Firstborn and it kills some of
your squad (including my favorite autistic girl fuck), and
holy fuck that ending lmao are they serious with this
shit, it just ends lmao not even a proper cliffhanger, I
heard it's sudden and bad but my god wtf is this lmao. So
I looked it up and they left some subtitles in the game
files with the original ending which was totally different
and would have been much better cause they actually
explained shit with a twist, it's pretty obvious based on
the last two locations that they simply ran out of time
eh. You could unlock some bonus codes but only by calling
the publisher on the phone to get the actual codes to
unlock cheats lmao what is this the early 90s? It was
kinda short too but that's fine, either way I liked the
cool story and the concept and the locations but the half
assed executions like enemies just swarming at you and the
dumb AI kinda ruined it, not to mention that ending eh,
but still it was cool. |
2025/01/25 |
| .hack//MUTATION
(PlayStation 2) Developer: CyberConnect2 Publisher: Bandai Released: 2003 Genre: Action role-playing |
 |
| Luckily I didn't have to wait years to play
the next game, and winter was the perfect time to play a
longer game. As I said you can load up your save from the
first game and continue from there, and it it really is
like the same game lmao I'm not even sure what to write
about, it has same graphics and music and shit (but why
did the voices sound so bad it was like a phonograph lol).
There is a recap at the beginning which is good cause I
forgot a lot of things either way (I watched a video of
the cutscenes too on YouTube). You have all the stuff in
the destkop too like the board messages continue and get
more news with some prediction like the death of printed
magazines. A new thing is flag races where you're racing
with grunties you raised touching flags lol it's literally
impossible, somehow I did the first beating all 3 times
but on the previous server with the wooden planks it's
impossible. There is a new type of data drain called Drain
Arc which can drain multiple enemies at the same time now
thank god. The cutscenes seem to be more cinematic with
more things happening, you have a confrontation with the
admins and make a non aggression pact lol, he poses as a
shop NPC and you gotta report to him and he sends you out
to investigate. There is a new server you can go to where
the city is like a cool night town, and of course you can
go back to the previous locations too. There are new virus
cores too of course, new party members, new grunty types
like some fucking snake one lmao wtf or a skeleton, and
also some new scroll type to summon elemental enemies I
guess, I don't even know if these were in the first game.
The goblin chases are different though, they won't stand
still when you use skills eh. Not that far into the game
there is another giant boss fight like the final boss was
in the first one huh, then another one later wtf. It seems
like you gotta put the AI girl back together like in the
book but I'm guess that's gonna be in the next games. This
one felt easier too, there are less 5 floor dungeons and
most of them have just 3 thank fucking god. You can also
see the anime characters talking on the board so cool,
actually they show up in dungeons too, then you find them
again at that church and see these flashbacks from the
anime recreated inside the game and get items for watching
them. You gotta find some information about the book the
game was based on, and you end up in Net Slum from the
anime which looks like some ruined modern city where
hackers go, it has all kinds of weird player characters
lol, a monitor head, smiley heads, a 2D one lol, with some
previous players who don't even have bodies anymore. The
final boss felt easier than in the first game, and it ends
with the towns becoming infected too damn. It also has an
extra boss which was in the skies, it looked nice. I think
I finished it faster like it only took a month because of
the shorter dungeons and there's less extra shit to hunt.
I watched the next anime episode too, wtf was going on lol
the previous one was easy to follow this had nothing to do
with anything lmao just some girl stuck in a mall eh. I
know these are technically the same games so I don't
expect any changes in the next one, but I still think it's
better this way, I can't imagine playing these as one long
ass game for months, it would bore me to fucking death. |
2025/01/23 |
| Prince of Persia:
Warrior Within (Xbox) Developer: Ubisoft Montreal Publisher: Ubisoft Released: 2004 Genre: Action-adventure, platform, hack and slash |
 |
| I remember thinking this game looks cool
but it's so dark and edgy lmao, even the strategy guide I
found is scanned so darkly lmao, it's a shame that magical
Arabian aesthetic is gone though (I can't believe it took
this long to get to this game eh). I rewatched the
cutscenes and dialogues of the previous game to make sure
I remember everything and because I could barely hear
anything while playing it, thank god this one finally has
subtitles. I watched the trailers in the video gallery
first (they have some from the previous game too) and the
new combat presentation. The Prince has a new voice though
eh I liked the old one better, his ship gets attacked by
sand creatures and a girl walks out while they do a close
up on her ass lol nice. You don't have the dagger anymore
of course so you can pick up any weapon and use it and can
throw it too but they deteriorate over time, there are
maces, other swords, daggers, axes etc. Fucking metal
music plays during combat lol and man it's so much more
acrobatic, you can swing on poles cutting through enemies
or jump all over them. You automatically collect sand and
there is no need to finish like with the dagger anymore,
water still recharges health and you can drink from
puddles now too. And yeah this game was so fucking hard I
had to restart on easy, I couldn't even finish the first
tutorial level lmao. You get a flashback of the Prince
talking to this old sage who tells him where the sands
were created, cause this shadow monster called Dahaka is
chasing him because he changed time and reversed what
happened in the previous game, so you travelled to the
Island of Time to travel back in time and stop the sand
from ever being created. You wake up on the shores after
they sank your ship and fight crows with a stick lol, this
was like an acrobatic tutorial level. You have a map now
but it's kinda pointless it just shows the entire island.
You can find hidden chests and they unlock concept art,
and you can only save at specific fountains. You get new
swords too but you don't have to find them you just get
them automatically as you progress. There are no future
scenes anymore cause you don't have the dagger, apparently
he kept Farah's medal and that gives him the time powers.
You don't only have sand enemies, there are some shadow
monsters and human enemies too, or a brute which is a
giant armored enemy and you gotta climb up on his back and
hit his head to kill him, and shit like exploding spiky
wolves lol, and also a lot more boss fights like some crow
master you fight a bunch of times. This game has some
really brutal executions like decapitating or cutting
enemies in half lol (you don't get anything out of fights
besides weapons though so you can just skip them if you
can). There are these portals where you can travel between
the past and present, like sometimes it's all ruins in the
present and the traps don't work but in the past they do
and that's the only way you can progress between areas by
traveling through timelines (you gotta activate the
portals with switches too and it's always random eh but
it's only 4 so whatever, it's a waste of time though). I
think the puzzle rooms don't feel that enormous as in Prince
of
Persia:
The
Sands
of Time, it's more like you
have more smaller ones here but I could be wrong, you can
also slide down tapestry and swing and climb on ropes, I
don't remeber if they were in the previous game or not.
You meet a girl and try to help her, she gives you a sword
that's also a key you can use to rotate the environment
and raise platforms with it in a room to access more
areas, and you can return to previous areas too so it's
kinda open worldy. You can find these hidden hard to get
places too ridden with traps where you can get health
upgrades and you still have your powers too and you slowly
get them as you progress through the game, Eye of the
Storm slows down everything, Breath of Fate is like a
strong ground attack, Ravages of Time turns everything red
lol with brutal fast attacks, Wind of Fate is a stronger
ground attack and Cyclone of Fate is the strongest ground
attack, and of course you get more sand tanks too. The
Dahaka actually followed you here and it creates paths by
destroying shit too, and there are these chase sequences
when you gotta escape it lmao until you get to some water
because it can't pass through it (Jesus fuck the later
ones took forever and were so difficult). Thank god there
are checkpoints before cutscenes, I would lose so much
progress cause fountains are rare sometimes, still some of
the jumps were impossible to get the perspective right and
I kept jumping to wrong places. You are supposed to
activate some mechanism to get to the Empress in the
throne room and stop the creation of the sands, the two
places are some clockwork tower and the garden areas
(which totally looked like Ico). Turns out the
chick was the Empress all along and she fucked you over,
and the Prince was the one who created the sands
accidentally oops, the Mask of the Wraith gives a him a
second chance to travel back and change the past again,
turns out that wraith you kept seeing was you cause it
turns you into one, it recharges sand but it keeps
depleting your health (it makes that griffin boss with
regenerating health really easy to kill). You gotta go all
the way back eh, but you see your past self doing shit and
activiting stuff and that was cool, by this time you get a
sword that can break some walls and find more hidden
weapons that are so dumb like a hockey stick lol, a
flamingo, a teddy bear, a lightsaber lmao. The game has
two endings, you need to get all upgrades and the water
sword at the end to unlock the true ending and final boss
fight. This game was really buggy though like sometimes
the music skipped or in one cutscene I couldn't hear
anything and it froze once too. But the worst is the game
breaking bug which fucking happened to me, it locks you
out literally right before the final boss where I'm
supposed to go through a portal wtf, I tried an earlier
save I took before I went back to the final upgrade to get
both endings and that one was fucked too wtf it ruined the
entire game for me. I just downloaded a save thank god
someone uploaded one right before both endings and also
one with everything unlocked, but it wasn't on easy and it
was fucking impossible for me so I just tried the true
ending with the Dahaka fight and finally I could kill
that, they both sail to Babylon which is under attack
while they fuck on the ship lmao (Monica Bellucci voiced
the Empress, nice). In the other one you fight the Empress
and the Dahaka takes her and the amulet. The unlockables
are videos of enemies, making of video lmao the director
is clearly a metalhead with the same tattoos as the Prince
lol, pics of all characters, environment art,
illustrations with some sexy pics too and pics and stats
of weapons. Now Insignia had the update and DLCs to
download, they're like arena challenges and time attack
modes, no thanks lol. Yeah it was good, the gameplay and
the combat was better but I liked the Arabian Tales
aesthetic more and that bug really made me angry and it
was hard too. I'm looking forward to the next one though,
it looks cool with the different Princes. |
2025/01/21 |
| Assassin's Creed
III (Xbox
360) Developer: Ubisoft Montreal Publisher: Ubisoft Released: 2012 Genre: Action-adventure, stealth |
 |
| I finally got to the final game of the
trilogy (even though it had more games but whatever lol),
unfortunately I got spoiled ages ago of what happens to
Desmond but I had no idea how. I knew it takes place
during the US independence war, I thought it's a stupid
location with these hooded figures lol and like how the
fuck would colonial America have large cities lol. I found
a strategy guide thank god, and I watched all the trailers
before and read related news on an old website, I should
start doing this with all games. I read the comics that
came out before the release of the game, the one set in
ancient Rome was cool but they used some retarded logic
like experiencing the dude's death is impossible lol when
his memory should end when he impregnates someone, then
another two from the Russkie civil war with his templar
dude killing the Assassin leader. The intro explains what
happened so far, then continues right where the last game
ended going in that temple in America. The characters look
good but the shadows are still weird, the controls are
different though, you don't have to press A to climb just
the right trigger and run and climb the way you move the
left stick and you don't have to jump up when climbing big
distances either, everything is automatic. You play this
dude Haytham in the London opera assassinating someone,
then he's sent to America to find the same temple you are
in. Here you already see something new, a lockpicking
minigame where you gotta rotate both sticks then press RT.
You can do a bunch of shit on your ship ride, and can talk
to random people too with proper conversations. You arrive
to Boston and I noticed the most important thing in the
entire game: you can pet animals lmao so fucking cool.
Beggars were replaced by orphan kids lol, and you can
clear the fog on the map around you when you walk through
an area but only that small route so you still gotta use
eagle towers. You meet famous people like Ben Franklin,
you can collect pages he lost but you gotta chase after
them cause they fly away and they unlock his almanacs,
they are so long god just a bunch of bullshit, and you can
talk to him about fucking old women eh gross, later you
can craft his inventions too. You can run through open
doors inside houses and windows now huh, and there is a
slight cover mechanic when you stand around corners and
you automatically hide in bushes and can hide in the back
of moving carts too. Your health auto recharges so you
don't have to deal with potions anymore, and you can use
big muskets (takes forever to reload lol) and you can
avoid firing squads by grabbing a soldier and holding him
as shield lol. Seems like there is dynamic weather and a
thunderstorm can start, and there is winter too with snow
so cool and you walk very slow in big snow (I found a
snowman too lmao). There is another region outside the
city called the Frontier which is like a countryside with
small towns and trading posts and forests where like
wolves can attack and you gotta do this QTE to kill them,
there are all kinds of animals too like rabbits, deers,
racoons etc lmao. You meet young Washington too during the
French and Indian War which I never even heard of, and you
get the first twist as you find out that Haytham dude is
actually a Templar wtf, he fucked the Native chick and now
you are playing as his kid lmao (wtf is this language
using the : symbol as letters lmao, you hear them speak it
instead of English), you play hide and seek as a kid
analyzing clues to find the other children, and your
father's dudes led by Charles Lee find you and they look
evil now and they burn down your village and your mother
dies. So I wondered how the fuck would this work without
big cities, well the Native dude can climb on trees in
forests and run on them like in the cities, eagle points
are big trees with nests lmao pretty cool, you can climb
up giant rocks and mountains too (and actually the cities
aren't small either, guess I thought they still had mostly
wooden houses at that time lmao). And there is hunting
too, you find clues to identify the animal, you can put
snare and bait down lmao it attracts so many animals, then
when you kill them you skin them to collect meat and bones
and shit, some attacks can damage the pelt and it costs
less in trade (some of them are really agressive though,
fuck the cougars and the bears). Turns out the Natives
have an Apple, dude sees a vision where apparently Juno
tries to make sure his life goes the way that can help
Desmond and you play through a trippy eagle flight. Btw I
actually learned a lot about Natives, I knew they had big
cities but I thought they were still just random tribes, I
had no idea they had proper confederations that lasted for
a thousand years wow and with such a democratic government
type. There are these clubs with missions and the usual
challenges, hunting that's pretty self explanatory,
Frontiersman which has like legends you investigate like a
monster was just a dude in a diving suit, an umbrella was
the UFO lmao, Sasquatch was just a dude living in a cave,
but the headless rider was actually true with a
pumpkinhead wtf. Boston Brawlers is a fight club lmao with
a tournament at the end with a crowd that can damage you
too, and there are thief challenges too without missions.
There is a very simple letter delivery sidequest too and
an item list delivery one which is a lot harder to do. It
takes a while till Sequence 5 till the game lets you go
anywhere, you meet an old Assassin dude after spirits told
you to look for him, he gives you a proper English name
Connor lol and trains you and you gotta kill the Templars
and your father. You see or participate in shit like the
Boston Massacre, Boston Tea Party, Paul Revere's Ride etc
which was really cool, Boston also has tunnels underground
for fast travel, it's like a labyrinth where you can
follow rats to get out lol and light up lamps, some of
these are like those obstacle courses from the previous
games just a mini version with puzzles and shit too, like
you gotta use a lantern projector to align symbols, you
can fast travel just by opening the map so you don't have
to go back after unlocking them and there is also fast
travel between regions by ships. There is also Homestead
which is like the town you had in Assassin's Creed II
but you just start with a house (which has your
collectibles), you can recruit people with professions to
live there so it's like town building, they have quests
too and it levels them up making better items and their
story progresses, some get married or have kids and you end
up with a proper community. You can sell what they make
with a trade route which can get attacked and you can go
there to defend it, you need them to craft too you can see
what you can make and who and what resources are needed
for it, you can find more recipes in treasure chests, and
you gotta craft the pouches as you can't buy them anymore
so you need to level up your Homestead people for better
ones. A cool new thing is naval combat, your ship has 2
different speeds and can stop too, you can give command to
fire big cannons with different types of ammo (like you
can use chains to destroy the sails) or just a small
sniper one, the weather and wind has effect on how your
ship handles, and there are naval missions too, and
Privateer Contracts which are short ones that reduce the
risk of trade as there are naval convoys too, and there is
treasure hunting lol that some famous captain hid, you
deliver trinkets to a dude who gives you letters and
locations, these are the usual obstacle courses from
previous games, there is one with the Northwest Passage in
snow it was so cool, or Edinburgh castle in Jamaica (this
was a real thing wtf), the treasure turns out to be an
artifact that's an electromagnetic shield lol it reduces
the chance of being hit by bullets. There are forts you
can capture too, you gotta kill the captain, destroy
powder kegs then lower the flag, it reduces trade tax and
attack chances. A cool new weapon is the rope dart, you
can drop it down from trees and hang people with it damn.
You have Assassin buddies too and they have different
abilities, they can cause riots, marksman is obvious, with
bodyguard they follow you and kill enemies lol, covert
escort is cool they dress us as Brits and pretend you are
a prisoner to get into protected areas, lure is like the
thieves in previous games where they steal something and
the guards start running after them. You get them by
liberating an area but you gotta do these tasks helping
out people harrassed by soldiers and shit like that or
burning infected blankets lol enough times to get the
mission (you also get get keys to chests in the area after
that and you no longer need to lockpick). You can leave
the Animus again when you want to and talk to your crew
and read emails (lmao Juno sends emails too), there are
future missions too (the modern music reminded me of the
theme of Halo 3: ODST), going up skyscraper under
construction and parachuting into an Abstergo place to get
a power source lol (that dude from the comic shows up wow
it was worth reading it after all), there is Brazil too
with some UFC arena place, and when your dad gets
kidnapped you literally walk into Abstergo lmao fighting
guards, you even get gun at the end lmao then just fuck
shit up with the Apple lmao (man I actually really hoped
the series would end with a modern setting, it would have
been so cool). You need to install the power sources you
get and Juno talks to you while you are trying to climb up
to those places, you learn about the methods of how they
tried to stop the catastrophe. Meanwhile Connor of course
takes part in the American Revolutionary War, sometimes
you are like an officer riding along firing lines and
giving orders or controlling big cannons, you take part of
the Battle of the Chesapeake too with ships burning
everywhere, it looked really cool. By that time you get to
the other big city which is New York, it has the same shit
undeground and quests and pages (parts of the city are
burned down lol). There was a cool scene where they almost
hang you lol and you stop Washington's assassination, and
at some point you work together with your father too, but
the dude gets fucked over by everyone including Washington
too wtf, and he's just really angry at everyone but
ultimately he's after Charles Lee and it takes so many
attempts to get him lol, and this is where Desmond finds
out where the key they're looking for is. Spoiler alert:
that fucking old civilization bitch fucked you over, she
literally controlled history to free herself wtf is going
on it was so dumb, and Desmond dies like a bitch, I'm sure
as hell this wasn't the ending the real creator of the
series planned before he left. There are actually some new
missions after you beat the game huh, but it's more like
cutscenes that things won't be as good as they thought,
and his Native people still got fucked over. There are no
new armored outfits you can get though eh as they don't
have stats anymore, but you can unlock Altaïr's lol and
some other ones. There are also some pivots thing to hack,
they're placed on the map but it needs online so whatever,
and you get cheats lol the season changer is nice. This is
the first game where I actually completed everything
including all challenges too (fuck those minigames I'm so
dumb for it I couldn't even understand, the bowl game
glitches out by going to the map when the other dude
throws lmao so I used that trick, the others I just played
on some browser game vs the AI and followed the moves), I
just forgot some plate award for looting 10 convoys eh but
it doesn't count toward 100% so whatever. It was buggy as
hell even with a patch, like one of my convoys got stuck
and I couldn't use that slot anymore, and some sidequests
bugged out and had to start them again. So here is the
thing, I watched the DLCs that take place during the story
as usual and they didn't really add much, however a 3 part
DLC called Assassin's Creed III: The Tyranny of King
Washington came out that you can play separately and
that means I could play them on my PlayStation
3 (you may think it's a wasted Xbox 360 disc now that I have a
PlayStation 3 and I
could have played all the DLCs but the controls suck ass
there lmao so it's better this way). First thing I noticed
is how much slower the load times are lol and the graphics
are a bit different too. It takes place in some kind of
alternate world where Connor wakes up, his mother is still
alive and he never left his tribe, but Washington got mad
with power and became king, turns out he got a fucking
Apple lmao and he's like superhero, he kills your mother
again and shots you like a million times, but you still
survive. There is some new giant red tree that wasn't
there, you drink a tea of it and hallucinate like crazy
then gain this spiritual power with wolves that makes you
invisible and you move superfast wow but it depletes your
health when active, it's so fucking OP just killing
everyone cloaked lmao (dogs can sniff you out though) and
you also have these ghost wolves to summon like Assassins
lmao so cool. This episode takes place on the Frontier but
it's smaller and different, it's frozen and full of ruined
buildings, hanged people, and with wolves everwhere. It
has collectibles too like chests (the locked ones have
upgrades sometimes) but it's all visible on the map, and
these Lucid Memory Artifacts from the main game and
they're like memories huh on the location they happened (3
per episode, finding all unlocks 3 videos of how this
alternate world actually happened and what it really is).
There are also citizen missions, like attack convoys to
liberate prisoners and slaves (it's so buggy too often
times people just sat on the air outside the cages lol),
give food to starving people (raw meat is a new item) and
save people from wolves. You get captured and the second
episode is in Boston with so many guards, barricades and
checkpoints or hanged people everywhere. The new ability
here is eagle flight, you basically fly to the place you
point like to edges, and can use it to air assassinate
too. It has the same citizen missions even wolves lol,
plus saving civilians from firing squads. Benjamin
Franklin joins you here and you escape to New York lol on
your ship and the first mission is a naval battle, the
city looks so weird cause he built a gigantic fucking
pyramid there lmao (the inside of it is like those
obstacle courses and it has a zoo in there too lol). You
get the bear power here by climbing up a gigantic bear and
pulling spears out of it lmao (guess that's what Shadow
of
the
Colossus is gonna be fuck it's gonna take
forever to get there), it's great for smashing the ground
and killing everyone around you but that includes allies
too fuck. The sidequests are similar but instead of wolves
you gotta defend people here in fights. Thomas Jefferson
helps you here, you gotta create civil unrest by hanging
soldiers lol, destroying cannons and statues and shit like
that then launch a rebellion and finally have the ultimate
showdown with Washington. One time there was a brutal
slowdown when there were too many guards on the screen,
that never happened on the Xbox
360. These DLCs were
actually really cool and I liked the powers but it made
you so OP lol. That piece of shit successor of the PlayStation Portable had an
Assassin's Creed game and it was released a year
later in HD but digital only however that means I can play
it on my PlayStation 3,
so that will be the next in the series after summer.
Honestly this one has clearly the best gameplay and
content with so many things to do (I loved forests and
shit) but the story was kinda meh especially that ending
after all the buildup, so overall I would say it's the
second best after Assassin's Creed II but just
barely, I can't believe I almost didn't play it cause
people said it's bad. |
2025/01/14 |
| GoldenEye: Rogue
Agent (Xbox) Developer: EA Los Angeles Publisher: EA Games Released: 2004 Genre: First-person shooter |
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| I heard of this a while ago as a James Bond
game where you play as an evil agent and that sounded
cool, and it's an FPS again, thank god I don't have to
deal with that lock-on shit. I knew people hated it but I
thought they're just those insane Nintendo cultists cause
it has the same name as their beloved game lol. It has a
strategy guide but it's not needed, but I heard it's hard
so I played on easy. It has a bunch of villains from the
movies lol like Goldfinger, Dr. No, that Asian dude with a
hat, Pussy Galore lmao what a name, some other chicks too
and Christopher Lee lol (aren't they from the 60s and 70s,
it feels so weird in this modern setting lol). The first
mission is with Bond defending Fort Knox, first of all you
can use P90 hell yeah which is a very important fact for
me lol and you can dual wield a lot of weapons, there are
some weird ones like some laser weapon that can fire
through covers but it's really slow, I loved the big
machine gun that just destroys everyone lol. There is auto
aim too but it's just the bullet goes there if turned on
instead of moving the crosshair to the target, aiming
sucks though and it makes sniping so hard. You can take
hostages for human shield after you stun them by beating
them with melee attack lol. Enemies sometimes get scared
of you and take one of their buddies as hostage to defend
themselves lmao. There is regenerating heath and there are
armors to pick up from dead enemies, if you damage their
body they worth less which was cool. Sometimes you can
find these machines that are traps you can activate and
kill enemies and you get these Rogue Bonus points for it,
you can also get them for headshots, melee kills,
hostages, when you push them over rails, using explosive
barrels and shit, or for kills when you go down on ropes
or lifts. At the end of levels these points determine what
you unlock, there are 2 concept art videos and 2
multiplayer maps or skins on every level I think, I was
lucky if I could unlock one concept art video lmao, shame
there were no cool extras. The character moves slow as
shit though and you can't jump eh. Turns out the first
mission was just a simulation and you failed and they kick
you out, but Goldfinger contacts you and offers you a
GoldenEye to replace your lost eye lol that has abilities.
Dr. No is basically at war with Goldfinger because he
wants to steal his organic matter destruction device or
whatever it is, so you get recruited to defend it. The CGI
was really nice in the cutscenes (your dude is barely in
them and never talks lol) and the graphics look pretty
cool too with aesthetics kinda like techno futurism if
that's a thing lol. Your GoldenEye has 4 abilities you
slowly unlock as you progress through the game and they
all cost energy, you start with seeing through covers,
hacking from a distance which can make weapons malfunction
or activate shit and you take over turrets for your side
which was cool, polarity shield which is an energy shield
that protects you and you can use it in melee to discharge
it and kill enemies (some stronger enemies with names can
have this too), and a magnetic field which is the Jedi
force basically lol to push and pull enemies. You can't
save anytime but missions aren't too long, the levels are
incredibly linear, you can only go one way eh. You go to
Hong Kong fighting drones on skyscrapers and the triad in
bathouses where you can gas them to death in saunas lol,
Las Vegas in a casino and underground, the Hoover Dam
which was way too long and fuck those tanks Jesus, some
underwater base which is like a black market for luxury
weapons and that dude with the cat shows up too lol, Dr.
No's island where you kill him and get fucked over by
Goldfinger of course, and then his base where you get the
Omen weapon which can disintegrate enemies even if they're
shielded, but that also means insta death for you too eh.
There is multiplayer too but it's online only so who
cares, it's not a good game anyway, it was so boring and
dull and just lame as fuck, it wasn't fun to play at all. |
2024/12/31 |
| Primal (PlayStation 2) Developer: Sony Computer Entertainment Europe Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment Released: 2003 Genre: Action-adventure |
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| I only heard of this game a few years ago
when I started reading that console magazine, from what
I've read real gamer girls in those days really loved it
(along with Beyond Good & Evil). It was made
by the MediEvil devs so I thought I should check
it out. So this metal chick called Jen and her boyfriend
Lewis are at a concert where he sings and sees some weird
tall being and he gets scared, later it attacks them in
the alleyway and she hits her head and falls into a coma
where this gargoyle dude called Scree drags her soul out
of her body and takes her into this place called Nexus in
this dimension called Oblivion which has 4 worlds, two
belong to Order with the goddess Arella and two to Chaos
controlled by Abaddon who wants to control everything and
he's behind the kidnapping of your boyfriend, so you help
the gargoyle dude to restore the balance by visiting those
worlds. The first world is Solum where these minotaur
beings called the Ferai live, it's like Greek ruins and
it's always dark and snowy, the kings in this world need
to sacrifice themselves but the current one' son is
missing and the world is collapsing because of it so you
need to find him and find out what's going on. There are
some NPCs but you can't interact with them just in
cutscenes, when you find the son he actually helps you
fighting lol (later that happens with the Wraith peasant
too). You have regenerating health but you don't really
use human form, you get other from the worlds and they
have their own energies with different colors which Scree
can collect from dead enemies, chests, barrels, stones or
fountains to recharge his pool, and if you hold down the
form's dpad button it recharges it from his energy. The
Ferai form makes you jump higher to reach ledges but the
combat sucks, you need to use finishing moves on some
enemies and can block too and if you do it the right time
it counterattacks, you use the shoulder buttons which was
wierd, a normal press is a quick attack and holding down
is a power attack (there are combos too but I'm too dumb
for that). Corpses don't disappear at all which is cool,
sometimes there are shielded enemies and they were harder
to kill. Scree can't fight at all though, in fact he turns
into stone during combat lol. You can find energy gems for
Jen and they restore full energy if you run out, it's
basically extra lives. Graphics are fine but the camera
jumps around and shakes when you go up stairs and shit and
it made me dizzy eh. The music is alright but it turns
into this metal music when you're in combat lmao. You can
switch between the characters with the Select button,
there is so much banter between them lmao, the chick's
voice actress is that hot blonde goddess from Xena:
Warrior Princess yummy. You can ask Scree what to do next
but it's vague as fuck so I just followed a guide lol. You
gotta work together to progress, sometimes opening big
doors or switches together, but you need to be separated
sometimes like Jen can walk through small ledges and Scree
can walk on walls. Scree can posses statues using 5
lodestones (that's other shit he can collect), it's needed
to open doors or wiggle it to knock it down and create a
path but actually sometimes he fights using the statue
lol. He can carry a torch too to light up dark places
which was cool, and he will find a rope in that minotaur
world you can drop down so Jen can climb up and down, the
animations are so fucking slow though when you climb and
shit or when you change forms just waiting for it to
finish lol. There is no jump button, you gotta go to the
place and press forward on the analog stick and they do
what's supposed to happen, but that also means you can't
fall off or do the wrong thing. There are rift gates which
are like a stargate lol where you can travel to different
gates you discovered on the level and that's where you go
back to the Nexus too, you have a map where you can see
the gates and the objectives too. There are also these
little portals called summoning stones where you can drag
Scree out from other parts of the level if you get
separated. You can save anytime thank god, you don't have
to deal with checkpoints. You don't really get visual
clues on what to do unless you have multiple things you
can choose from, without a guide I would have been
completely lost. The collectibles are hidden tarot cards,
I think they needed to unlock all extras. It reminds me of
Soul Reaver 2 like the big puzzles to solve and how
combat works, it's just the story isn't that good lol. You
gotta use all the different forms to progress through the
levels, the second world is Aquis which is a water world
where the water is poisoned and you gotta save the queen
and help her restart the water filtering system, the
Undine form here makes you breath underwater, the combat
fucking sucked though and it was disorienting sometimes.
Aetha world is like Transylvanian mountains with fog and
rain with Wraiths who are like French vampires lmao, they
sacrifice villagers (the decapitated heads can talk lol)
and you gotta stop them. The Wraith form has purple whip
but the fucking enemies were so hard here Jesus I tried to
avoid combat with the monsters, this form's special
ability is teleporting around and when you aren't in
combat you can slow down time (I loved that part where you
dress up as a Wraith and go to dance ball lmao, but that
fucking maze was a nightmare). The last world Volca is an
Egyptian and Arabian inspired desert kind of place with
volcanos and lava and Djinns lol (I loved how flames
automatically light up the rooms as you enter like in
Aladdin) where the king takes control of Jen and you gotta
rescue her by fighting her lol, the Djinn form here is
different because you can switch between fast but weak and
slow but powerful modes with your flame weapons, you can
instakill weaker enemies lol it was brutal. The final boss
is your boyfriend who got brainwashed to serve Abaddon and
he has the forms too so it's 4 parts where you gotta fight
through all of them (I just switched to Djinn form for all
of them except water lol), and there is one where you
fight with Scree who returned to his original body. After
the end credits there was a Ghoshunter promo, I'm
really looking forward to that game. The bonus stuff you
unlock are a cutscenes viewer, tarot card viewer, behind
the scenes video with the voice actors, making of video
that was more like a gameplay promo with the devs talking
lol, an interview with that metal band, trailer, and a
coming soon trailer for some stupid monster fighting game
lol. It was actually quite long (would have been almost a
month if I didn't have to stop playing), it's sort of like
Soul Reaver 2 lite but still a good game. |
2024/12/20 |
